Once Upon A Time
by Vanilla Princess Baby
Summary: Toby confronts Andrew, Spencer suffers a miscarriage at the hands of -A, Spencer's jealous side comes out when she learns of Toby and Alison's past, Spoby babysit Haleb's little girl, Spencer shows up at Toby's loft with a bloody lip at 3 in the morning and so much more.
1. Prompts?

I am doing a thing where I will write oneshot requests for prompts people give me. Spoby, of course. So please review any ideas you'd like!


	2. Losing Your Best Friend (Part 1)

**AN: ****So, this turned out so much longer than I thought it would and so I will be posting multiple chapters for this prompt.**

**Prompt:_ Could you please write a one shot of Toby comforting Spencer because A is finally unmasked and shot Aria and killed her? I would love to read that!_ - SunlightHurtsMyEyes**

**Read and Review!**

It had been five hours. Five hours since Toby had been lying on his bed in the loft, sleeping peacefully. Five hours since he had been dreaming of Spencer, one day being there with him, sleeping side by side. Five hours since he'd last longed to feel her in his arms.

He never imagined she'd be in his arms for this reason though.

Fifteen minutes past midnight, Toby had received a call from a very distraught Veronica Hastings. She didn't say much but she said something had happened and Spencer needed him.

Toby had run three lights just to get to the hospital, almost trampling a nurse getting off her shift on the way into the ER waiting room. Looking around that sullen room caused him to feel two things. Guilt. Horrible, gut-wrenching guilt. And then relief.

Mike Montgomery was sitting in a standard waiting room chair, his face in his hands, his back hunched downwards, bawling his eyes out as a redheaded, mid-forties nurse was rubbing his back, trying to console him. Ella Montgomery was in Ashley Marin's arms, making choking noises and heaving like she was going to vomit. And Byron was nowhere to be seen.

He searched through crowded waiting room, looking for his brunette girlfriend, only to find her completely curled up in her mother's lap.

Toby sprinted over to where they were sitting, kneeling down to Spencer's level. "Spence?" Toby's voice was barely above a whisper but it shocked Spencer out of her trance. Almost instantly, she had her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Veronica willingly let her go from her arms into her boyfriend's, standing up to go find her husband.

Toby replaced Veronica in the chair, wrapping his coat around Spencer's shaking and blood covered body. He rocked her, side to side, trying to find anyway to console her but he knew it was useless.

Over Spencer's messy brown curls, he spotted Emily bawling with her parents on either side and Paige sitting in front of her, and Hanna sitting somewhat on top of Caleb with her father shuffled off to the side, unsure of what to say or do.

Obviously the fourth friend's absence meant something more. Pain filled his heart as he looked at Spencer's bright pink, soaked face where her tears and spit and snot all ran together as she heaved out incoherent words. Aria was Spencer's best friend. End all, turn to in your darkest hour, there's no one else I could say this to, best friend.

Toby kissed Spencer's head, unsure how to feel. Because as much as his heart broke for everyone in the waiting room, Spencer wasn't the one hurt and he couldn't help the immense relief that came with that knowledge.

Peter Hastings took up residence next to him, his eyes completely bloodshot as if he'd been crying too. His hoarse voice gave him away but Toby knew better than to mention it. "The police wanted to question Spencer." Peter stated, vacantly. "I told them they could go to hell."

Toby almost smiled in appreciation for the fact that her parents were such hard ass attorneys, not even the cops wanted to piss them off. "What hap-Did they catch-was it..." Toby trailed off, completely unsure of what to say. Did the girls' parents know about -A? Is mentioning the event in such close proximity to Spencer only putting salt into her fresh wound? Did Peter even know what was going on? It's not like he really had much interest in his daughter's life before.

"Do you mean, was it -A?" Peter raised an eyebrow, his voice still hoarse.

Toby didn't say anything else, as his arms tightened around Spencer's skinny little body, hugging her closer to him. After ten minutes of complete silence between the two men, both listening to the never ending spout of shrieks and sobs and pleads, Veronica returned from down the hall with her eldest daughter in tow. Toby almost rolled his eyes at the sight of Spencer's older, perfect, conniving sister. But much to his surprise, Melissa sat down next to Toby with a very kind expression on her face.

Veronica made way to Peter, inquiring what was going on. Peter whispered something back and cut his eyes towards their youngest.

"Come on, honey," Her mother said as she knelt down in front of Spencer. "Let's go for a walk, stretch your legs."

"N-n-no," Spencer shook her head, having to squint to open her eyes, her sobs making it hard to speak. "Aria," Was all she said.

Veronica smoothed her hair back, wiping a tear with her thumb, "Its okay, honey."

"Mommy, she's dead." Her voice broke on the last word before Veronica pulled her into her arms, carefully pulling her off Toby's lap, hugging her into her left side. Peter and Melissa both waited until Veronica had taken Spencer down the hall and disappeared before speaking.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make Spencer relive it," Peter explained, looking down at his hands. "God knows, this is going to put her right back into Radley." Toby could tell Peter was only trying to find the words in this dire situation.

When Toby didn't respond, Melissa cut in. "What happened, Dad?" Her voice seemed stretched, like she didn't understand what was going on.

"Aria Montgomery was murdered," Peter stated, not meeting eye contact with anyone. "-A shot her. In the chest. And she died at the scene." Toby couldn't help the way his mouth fell open. It was so much worse than he even thought.

Melissa made a choking sound. "Oh my God."

Toby felt numb. "-A just shot her? For no reason?"

Peter fixed him with a strange look. "Is there ever a reason to shoot someone?"

Toby struggled to correct his former word choice when Melissa cut in, "You know what he means!" Never did Toby think he'd see the day where Spencer's snob of a sister defended him.

Peter sighed, slouching over. "It was Ezra."

Almost as a reflex reaction, Toby's eyes searched for Ezra around the waiting room. Nowhere was the teacher who just so happened to be dating one of his most prominent students. Nowhere in the crowd of Aria's closest loved ones was the man she'd dedicated two years to.

Peter's words rang in Toby's head. "Ezra is -A?" Toby blurted out.

Melissa looked just as shocked. "Dad, you can't be-"

"Your sister confirmed it." Peter stated, firmly.

"She's been wrong before," Toby added in disbelief. About him. About killing Alison, about his intentions on the -A team, about his love for her. But somehow this didn't feel like a simple misunderstanding. Because if Ezra was in love with Aria, he'd be in this waiting room.

If Ezra was on the -A team, then he wasn't on it for the same reasons as Toby. Toby would have jumped in front of the bullet before it even got a thousand feet near Spencer.

"So Ezra shot Aria and then what?" Melissa tried to keep her voice down, hoping it didn't carry to Aria's parents. Reliving the tale would be just as bad for them as it was for Spencer.

"Then Hanna and Emily caught up to them," Peter said solemnly. "Emily called 911. Hanna tried to revive Aria." He still wasn't meeting eye contact.

"When did Spencer arrive?" Toby asked, fearing the answer.

The truth was worse than his fears. "Spencer was with Aria when it happened," Peter choked out. "Spencer tried to save her, she tried to bring her back. . . . by the time Hanna and Emily got there, Spencer was lying on top of. . . . Aria's body." He couldn't hold back the tears now. "Hanna said she believed they'd both been shot until Spencer started screaming."

Melissa looked like she wanted to gag.

Toby was about to.

Peter sighed, looking at his watch. "Let's go find Spencer and Veronica." He didn't wait for an answer before standing up. It was then that Toby noticed majority of the waiting room was gone.

Melissa grabbed Toby's arm, much to Toby's shock. His girlfriend's sister always had regarded him the same way you'd regard expired milk.

Both of them followed Peter Hastings down the long white halls that they'd all become too familiar with. It wasn't long though before Peter guided them into an unoccupied hospital room. Inside the room, Pam Fields was standing by the window, her hand to her mouth. Caleb was sitting with his back against the wall next to Tom Marin, looking dejected. Toby didn't even know Caleb was back from Ravenswood.

Paige was resting her head on the arm of the chair Emily was sitting in. Emily was sobbing, her head buried in her hands. Wayne Fields was trying to comfort her in some way, his forehead resting on the side of her face, murmuring words Toby couldn't hear. Ashley Marin was sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, with Hanna's head taking residence in her lap. Ashley's hand ran through her only child's hair, her mouth stuck open but no sounds coming out. She had no words to console her hysterical daughter. Behind them was Veronica, lying horizontal on the hospital bed with Spencer, sobbing into her mother's chest, shaking worse than anyone else.

Peter quickly stepped forwards, hurrying to Spencer's side but the girl just wanted her mom. Melissa stayed stationary to Toby's side, unsure what to do. After ten minutes Toby realized he'd slide down next to Caleb and Tom.

Caleb didn't have to say a word for Toby to know he felt guilty. He wished he'd been there, just like with Emily in the Lighthouse.

Toby nodded in understanding. He wished he'd been there too. He could have stopped this. Could have knocked Aria out of the way. Could have prevented them from taking that route that led them to Aria's imminent death. Could have taken the bullet.

Part of him knew though, that Spencer would be just as bad off if this was him. After all, how could he forget the reason she was institutionalized.

Toby wished Mona was here. Or Jenna. Or Alison. Someone who he could hit and take his anger out on, who deserved it. He tried not to dwell on the fact that they were all girls.

A few minutes later Tom got up and went to his ex-wife and daughter, speaking quietly, as not to upset Hanna. All the parents in the room began to whisper until, after what felt like an eternity, Peter approached Toby. "We think it'd be best to take the girls home now," He stated, clearly struggling to speak. "Hanna and Emily are going home with their parents but . . . Veronica and I need to go to the police station. Talk to the cops. We need to or else they're going to bring the girls in for questioning tonight and. . . ." He didn't need to continue for Toby and Caleb to both understand.

"Don't the girls usually have sleepovers after things like this?" Caleb asked, speaking for the first time. "You know, after big events, don't they feel weird about separating?"

The silence that followed answered the question. The now trio didn't want to have a sleepover without Aria. It only made the empty space that much more obvious.

After a few more minutes of silence, Caleb went to join Hanna and her parents on the end of the bed. Toby waited for Spencer's father to speak again.

"Spencer's mother and I were hoping you'd take Spencer and Melissa home. . . . Stay the night," The words were difficult for her father to ask but he seemed to be sincere.

"Of course, Mr. Hastings," Toby nodded, choking back a lump in his throat he didn't know formed. He gracelessly slid himself up from the wall and made his way over to Spencer, who was now back in her mother's lap. Melissa was rubbing her back, still with the same unsure expression. It was clear that being unsure was something Melissa Hastings didn't experience often.

Veronica now had tears in her eyes but her voice didn't betray her emotions. "Oh, sweetie," She whispered, petting Spencer's hair. "It's okay, honey."

After a few minutes, Spencer's raspy voice filled the room. "I want Toby," She whispered.

Veronica released her, pulling back. "He's right behind you, honey."

As if a reflex, Spencer turned and reached for him, practically flying into Toby's embrace. Instantly, Toby felt his heart swell, holding Spencer as close as humanly possible. It could have been her. She could have been the one shot.

"Spence," Toby whispered, his tears falling into her hair. "Oh my God, Spencer," He shook his head, rocking her from side to side as she buried her entire face into his shoulder.

Toby didn't know how long he stood there, holding her like a man who finally found water after walking through the desert, but when he looked up, Caleb was walking out, gripping Hanna's left arm with Ashley gripping her right, half carrying the inconsolable blonde.

Melissa nodded towards the door, signaling for Toby to head towards the car. He made sure his coat was tight around Spencer before bending and grabbing her thighs, holding her underneath. On instinct, her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs found his waist.

Melissa walked five feet ahead of them on the way down the hall. She clearly had no idea what to do or say to her sister. Once to his truck, Melissa waited for Toby to slide Spencer in before climbing in herself.

Spencer had never been shy about her animosity towards Melissa or the sibling rivalry, so Toby was shocked when Spencer huddled into her sister's side on the way home.

Melissa said nothing but ran her fingers through her little sister hair. "Shhhh," She whispered in her ear.

It didn't escape Toby's notice how the sound hushed Spencer's cries.

Pulling into the Hastings estate, Melissa unbuckled Spencer and helped Toby move her to her room. "I'll be in the barn if you need me," Melissa said to Toby as they settled Spencer on top of her bed.

"Melissa, I think she needs you tonight," Toby stated, looking at Spencer's tearful form.

Melissa didn't rethink her decision to give the young couple space. "Toby, what Spencer always needs is you," She stated, softly. "In case you forgot, you're her safe place to land."

The reminder of the nickname struck a chord in Toby. He was her safe place to land. He remembered hearing her say that, he had realized that he'd fallen in love with her. He didn't say it then because he knew it was too soon but he'd felt it. He still felt it. Just as strong as he had in that moment, if not stronger now.

He also remembered the promise he'd made her directly after.

_"If you need anything tonight, I'll be there for you."_

It was time to keep that promise. After every one of the promises he'd broken, that she'd refused to hold him accountable for, Toby knew he needed to keep this one.

Carefully peeling the coat away from Spencer's body, Toby realized though, the enormity that his girlfriend had just been through. There was blood soaking her clothes, staining her arms and hands, matting her hair, on her neck and chin. It had probably gotten on him but he didn't bother checking.

Toby hugged Spencer's sobbing body to his, rocking her back and forth once again. "Spence," He breathed into her hair. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so so sorry."

Spencer's cries turned to shrieks, "She was my best friend." She let out between heaves, squeezing her eyes shut.

Toby pulled her over to the end of her red chair, tugging her into a straddling position, her sitting on his lap, his hand on the back of her head, rubbing it soothingly. "I'd bring her back to you if I could, Spence. You know I'd give you to moon and stars if I could."

After twenty minutes of nonstop crying, Toby shifted positions, sitting Spencer on the ground, between his legs. Then, very carefully, he began to remove her sweatshirt, carefully setting it off to the side, making sure the blood didn't seep into the furniture. Toby delicately moved Spencer to lean back against the red chair, giving him access to her front side. He quickly unbuttoned her shirt, inspecting her arms and chest when it was removed. Desperate to get Spencer out of her blood soaked clothing, he didn't hesitate to tug her yellow cotton tank top up either.

"So much blood," Spencer cried, barely able to make out whole sentences. "It's everywhere and it's never going away," She hiccupped. "I just want it to go away!" She screamed, struggling to get out of her bra.

Quickly coming to her aid, Toby reached and unhooked the petite bra that was digging into her pale back, catching it when Spencer threw off her chest. "Spence," Toby whispered, unsure of what to say. Just when he was going to continue though, Spencer turned to reveal red stains marring her entire upper body. Immediately Toby went into panic mode. "Spencer, sweetheart, are you hurt?" The quickest route from her house to the hospital played in his mind. How fast could he get Melissa from the barn? How could he reach her parents?

"Toby!" Spencer's voice broke him out of his revive. "I'm not hurt!" Her voice still sounded shaky, like an amplified whimper or cry. "I just-I want this-this blood off me! I'm going to rip off this entire layer of my skin, I swear to God!" She exploded, the tears still hitting her cheeks fast. "I'm going-I'm going," Before she could finish, Toby stood up and wrapped her in a bone crushing hug, rubbing her back softly.

They stood there and stood there as Toby cradled her head between his arm and his shoulder, wiping her tears with his other hand. She wasn't done crying, not even close, but Toby had a very keen sense that she wouldn't be done for quite a while. He remembered after getting the news his mom had passed, how long he'd sat in his room and cried. How long his dad had cried. Toby remembered how long it took for him to feel alright again. He remembered how nothing could make him feel better.

And Spencer had done this before. Her best friend-and conniving queen bee-was murdered three years prior.

Before Toby could really get angry about how cruel the world was to Spencer, he knew he needed to get her clean and settled in bed. Maybe then she'd be calmer. Maybe then, she would be able to take a deep breath.

Releasing her from his embrace and bending down slightly, Toby removed her boots, her socks, her jeans and her underwear. Spencer didn't hesitate to curl herself around him when he lifted her back into his arms, walking to the grandmaster bathroom down the hall. Carefully sitting her in the tub before kneeling down to the side and starting the water, Toby adjusted the temperature to her exact liking.

Spencer's hand broke the surface as the water began filling up. She touched his face gently. "Thank you for staying with me tonight." Wordlessly, he turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand.

"Always, Spencer." He whispered. "If you ever need me, I will find a way to you. Even if I've left town, I don't want you to feel like I've left you alone. I love you. No time, no change and no distance can take that away."

Once the bathtub was full, Toby quickly got to work. He pulled out a fresh bar of soap from the cabinet, lathering up his hands and proceeded to gently scrub her arms, until there wasn't a trace of blood on them. Repeating his same actions on her collarbone wasn't difficult, but by the time he got to her chest, he'd almost used up the entire bar of soap.

Standing up, he quickly murmured, "I'll be right back," to his despondent girlfriend who was lying with her head resting the back of the tub. Searching the cabinet once more, Toby found a whole row of _Dove_ soap. Grabbing two, Toby returned to the bathroom.

Looking down into the tub though, he realized the water had turned bright red as if blood had filled the tub. Terrified by how Spencer would react to being surrounded in red liquid for the second time tonight, Toby gently lifted Spencer into a standing position and drained the tub.

"Toby?" She stated, surprised by the sudden change in position. Her vision was still blurred from her nonstop tears. He wondered if she even knew she was still crying.

"Hang on, Spence. Just gotta give you fresh water, that's all," He watched as the potentially traumatizing liquid moved towards the drain.

After the water was drained and fresh water was supplied Toby guided Spencer to lie back down, her head now resting on a rolled up towel around the back of the tub. He began to appreciate how far Spencer had come in her trust towards him, the boy who she'd been sure was a pervert and a killer, now the boy she trusted to scrub the blood off her body and protect her at night.

Toby wasn't surprised that it took almost an entire soap bar and a half hour of gentle rubbing to get her stomach clean. It didn't take long to wash her below the waist though, as the blood stains weren't substantial there. He did have to drain the tub once again, after finishing her legs. But instead of making her stand up again, when she looked so peaceful, Toby drained the tub with her in it and then gave her resting body a rinse with the shower head.

Spencer didn't react much to the water being sprayed down at her. She didn't react much to Toby refilling the tub, to him making her sit up, to anything. She just laid there and allowed Toby to shift her in order to cleanse her body.

Toby washed Spencer's hair, gently and thoroughly cleaning all the blood out of it. It took an entire bottle of shampoo but at last, she was clean and had not a speck of blood on her.

When all was said and done, it ended up being ten past four in the morning before Toby was getting Spencer to relax. After her bath, Toby had towel dried and brushed her hair into silky waves, he'd dressed her in a pair of panties and his blue anchor shirt that she'd stolen-and replaced his own shirt that was covered in blood with another shirt she'd taken from him. Toby had given her water, washed her face, brought her extra blankets, even rubbed lotion into the back of her legs.

But he couldn't do the one thing she wanted most. Bring back her tiny best friend.

When the clock read four thirty, Toby moved Spencer to the rocking chair, the one he'd built with his own two hands. He moved his lips on a continuous route between the crown of her head, her forehead and her temple. His lap was her sole place of comfort and so he kept his antics up, hoping in some way he was making it better.

Five hours since he'd gotten the call from Veronica Hastings. Five hours since Toby had been lying on his bed in the loft, sleeping peacefully. Five hours since he had been dreaming of Spencer, one day being there with him, sleeping side by side. Five hours since he'd last longed to feel her in his arms.

But he didn't wish for this to be the reason.


	3. Losing Your Best Friend (Part 2)

**AN: Here is part two. Enjoy! And thank you to all my lovely reviewers. It means so much to me.**

**And, to answer an Anon, I do accept any request.**

**Once again, here's the prompt: _Could you please write a one shot of Toby comforting Spencer because A is finally unmasked and shot Aria and killed her? _**

Eventually Toby moved Spencer back into her bed, climbing in with her. He kissed her eyelids, knowing she was still awake. He stroked her face, wiping away the tears with his fingertips. He stroked her hair, gently. When she rolled on her side, he slipped his hand inside the back of her shirt, giving her a back rub. He did anything he could think of.

Toby didn't even know he'd fallen asleep until her parents arrived home. Neither one of them raised an eyebrow over him sleeping in her bed. Somehow in the time he'd been asleep, Spencer had literally climbed on top of him, her entire body lying on his.

Veronica didn't say a word about it though. She shut her husband up with just a look.

Toby understood that look. Their little girl was in pain and if Toby was helping, her mother wasn't going to interfere.

He wondered sometimes how Spencer couldn't see how much her parents loved her.

Toby held Spencer for the rest of the night. When she woke up, he just continued rubbing her back or stroking her hair. They didn't move until Spencer had to use the bathroom and even then she towed him with her by hand.

Two days later, Spencer developed a low grade fever. Her father insisted she see a physician. Her mom thought it was a completely rational response to what her child had endured. So they compromised and made a house call.

The doctor that arrived saw Spencer in her room, as she refused to leave her bed. Toby immediately went to give them some privacy but she wouldn't let him leave, merely wrapping her fingers around his forearm and tugging weakly. Toby was afraid to refuse her anything at this point, so he climbed back into the huge bed and tried to stay out of the way.

The doctor was kind but Spencer remained less than receptive, ignoring the physician's requests.

"Sweetie, can you please sit up for me?" The middle aged man asked, trying to be gentle.

The only response he got was a blank stare. The same stare that had masked her face since waking up after the first night. Toby had grown to honestly despise that stare, the one that took his love away and buried her ten feet under water.

Toby eventually intervened and wrapped an arm around Spencer's shoulders, propping her up so the doctor could examine her. The older man seemed to realize Spencer mainly responded to her boyfriend and looked at Toby for his requests instead of the petite brunette.

Several times Spencer squirmed away from the doctor's glance, seemingly fed up with everyone around her. Toby was too. He wanted her to be left alone to grieve in peace, not being bothered by random men with stethoscopes, trying to make a few extra dollars from a concerned, wealthy family.

After the doctor had examined her thoroughly he concluded nothing was wrong with her. Peter was relieved. Veronica rolled her eyes and said she knew it, mentioning her mothering instinct. Spencer just flopped on her back, rolled over and began hugging Toby as if he was her lifeline.

From then on, the only time Toby could get Spencer out of bed was to pee. She didn't eat anything so there was nothing to digest. The only thing Toby could get her to drink was water-and he made her guzzle lots of it. Nothing on TV was interesting to her anymore. Books were irrelevant. She'd all but lost her phone. And she didn't want to see Hanna or Emily.

They were closer of the four. They had a special relationship, much like the one Spencer and Aria had.

Three days after the doctor left, there was a knock on the door. Veronica-who was now sleeping in her daughter's red chair nightly-went to answer it. Spencer showed no sign of reaction until the figure approached the door frame to Spencer's bedroom.

Toby hardly recognized Hanna Marin, the usually put together It Girl. Her blonde hair looked like it hadn't been washed in days, black mascara marks marred her cheeks vertically, her nose was runny and red as Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer.

Hanna didn't hesitate to climb in bed, occupying the opposite side of Toby, completely ignoring the fact that her best friend had turned onto her side away from her. Toby watched for Spencer's reaction, only to see Spencer eventually wrap her arms around her blonde best friend and buried her face in Hanna's shoulder. He felt himself let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. He'd never seen the connection before between his brainiac, witty, high strung girlfriend and her blonde, carefree, appearance orientated best friend until now. Hanna didn't give Spencer the option of turning her away and sometimes Spence needed a little push.

Hanna spent the night that night but neither girl seemed to sleep soundly. Toby tried rubbing Spencer's back but he felt awkward, afraid of slipping his hand up the wrong girl's shirt.

Caleb arrived the next morning, not at all surprised to find his girlfriend-or ex-girlfriend or whatever they were now-inside her best friend's bed. He was at little taken back by Toby being on the other side but comprehension struck his face when he saw Spencer's right arm and leg wrapped around Toby, pinning him to the bed.

Hanna eventually left with Caleb, needing to be helped out of the house by both Caleb and Mrs. Hastings.

The following Sunday, Melissa knocked on her baby sister's door, alerting Toby instead of Spencer. The solemn expression on her face gave away that the day he'd been dreading had finally arrive.

Aria's funeral.

Spencer paid as much attention to her sister as she did the doctor. It took nearly twenty minutes to get her out of bed, not because she was throwing a fit or having a tantrum-Toby almost preferred that to the emptiness in her eyes-but because no one wanted to push her. Not today of all days.

Veronica suggested Spencer shower, seeing as she hadn't bathed since the night Toby brought her home. He realized very quickly he had no idea how many days had passed.

Melissa and Veronica offered to help her but Spencer merely shook her head and looked at Toby, her eyes fixed on his completely. Knowing from past experiences that looking into her big brown orbs only served in her getting her way, he nodded to her unasked request.

The fact that her parents knew they were showering together should be been uncomfortable or awkward but neither Toby nor the Hastings really cared about anything outside of Spencer's wellbeing at the moment.

After their shower Toby got dressed in Melissa's old room, leaving Spencer with her mother and sister. Wondering downstairs slowly, he quietly joined Peter Hastings on the bar stools.

Peter didn't even look up before handing Toby a bottle of Whiskey. "No, sir-" Toby started to refuse when his girlfriend's father interrupted.

"I think we could all use a little bit of a relaxer today."

Without thinking twice, Toby took a swig before passing it back and waiting for his girlfriend to join them. Time seemed to stand still but after what seemed like hours and hours-and it very well may have been-Toby heard footsteps coming gracelessly down the stairs.

Turning around, the girl before him resembled nothing of the girl he'd left in her bedroom. Her hair had been blow dried and styled into loose flowing ringlets all the way down her back, her dress had long, lacy sleeved but was short and cut low in the chest area. Her makeup looked like it'd been done by a professional Hollywood makeup artist. And her heels were high and made her look statuesque.

Without a stopping after stepping off the staircase, she made her way over to her boyfriend. "Hi," She said timidly.

Toby didn't think he'd ever seen her timid. Bringing her hand up to his mouth, he whispered, "You look beautiful."

Unexpectedly, tears formed in her eyes and before he could think twice, Toby tugged Spencer straight into his arms, pulling her head onto his shoulder, kissing her tears away, rocking her from side to side.

Over her head, Toby swore he saw Peter mouth 'thank you' but he couldn't be sure.

Arriving at the funeral was easier than Toby imagined. People had actually left a spot open for the Hastings, and just like Ali's funeral, the now trio all sat with the grieving family.

After walking Spencer to her seat next to Emily with Hanna on the other side, Toby was surprised when Caleb tugged on his arm, only to find he'd had a seat reserved directly behind his girlfriend.

The funeral was a blur. The pastor spoke and said nice things, everyone was silent except for a child crying in the back and the music was fairly typical of a funeral. It reminded Toby of the service his mother had been given. Maybe that was just because they'd both been murdered. Maybe they were together, looking down on the people who loved them, now with all the answers.

Toby spent the majority of the service watching Spencer though. Her tears started before the pastor spoke, her hand was joined with Emily's, who was also crying, her shoulders shook at certain points in the funeral and he saw her free hand ball up, digging her nails into her palm. Caleb nudged Toby when Hanna reached behind her for Caleb to hand her the black purse he was holding. She slyly slipped out a flask and handed it to Spencer. Toby returned Caleb's expression as Spencer, very discretely, took a drink.

Before Toby knew it, it was done.

Spencer stayed sitting as Ella and Byron went up and looked into the casket. Toby had no idea how they managed to clean up a girl who died of a bullet wound but he wisely chose not to voice it. Mike Montgomery went up as his parents exited the church, staring into the casket for a good solid four minutes before high tailing it for the door.

Hanna and Emily went up together but Spencer chose to stay back. As her two best friends looked into the casket that now held her third, Toby put his hand on her shoulder. Reluctantly she placed her hand on top of his and squeezed.

As soon as Hanna and Emily walked away from the coffin, Caleb and Paige stood up to meet their girlfriends.

Toby exited the row with them, following their lead. Emily and Hanna waited as Spencer started to head near the casket but she turned around and motioned for them to leave.

He knew though that she wasn't talking to him. He watched as Hanna and Emily reluctantly left, Em turning back and looking at Spencer for a moment before exiting.

His eyes stayed on Spencer though, watching as she slowly approached the coffin, as if it were covered in flames. Her form leaned over the white box, peering inside before snapping back like she'd been electrocuted. Her hand flew up to her mouth. Toby thought she was concealing a sob but suddenly she made a beeline for the women's bathroom, gagging.

"Spencer!" Toby called after her, "Spence!"

Melissa ran in after her, Veronica on her heels. "Spencer," Her mother started but Toby couldn't hear the rest from the other side of the door.

Peter clamped his hand down on Toby's shoulder. "Come on," He jerked his head towards the door. "Let's give them some privacy."

Privacy was the thing the Hastings were good for. Their daughter spent two years being stalked, tormented and threatened and they still thought giving her privacy was a good idea.

Toby merely shook off Peter's hand and pushed the bathroom door open, not caring that he was defying gender laws by entering the girls' bathroom. "Spencer?" He called out, softly.

He heard a loud sob from inside one of the stalls. Her mother and sister were both crowded outside of it, Melissa's face now mildly annoyed. Toby nudged past them, "Sweetheart, please open up," He begged.

All he got in response was a loud gag.

"Honey, please," Veronica called. "We'll go right home and you can get in your pajamas and we can order something for you to eat from-" She was cut off by a choking noise.

"Spencer, please open up," Toby knocked on the stall, a little firmer.

Finally he heard a click and the stall door fell open, revealing Spencer slumped again the side of the stall, vomit on her dress, her make up smeared by tears. "Oh, baby," Toby knelt down and pulled her into his arms, rubbing the back of her head. "It's okay, baby," He whispered.

Spencer began to fall apart on his shoulder, letting out loud sobs that she'd held in for days now.

"I'm right here, baby." He kissed her hair, "I'm right here."

"Toby, I can't do this," Spencer cried out.

"Shhh, Spence," He whispered, remembering how Melissa had comforted her. "Shh, it's alright."

Finally, when she'd exhausted herself enough, she pulled back. Her mom was quick to pull her off the ground, seeming to want to get Spencer out of there. Veronica helped her over the sink and wiped her face with a wet paper towel before cleaning the vomit off her dress.

"Mom," Spencer whispered as her mom threw the paper towel away and cleansed her hands.

"It's okay, honey," She soothed, her voice firm, touching her daughter's face. "I'm here," She said softer, wiping a tear with her thumb, "I'm here and so are your sister and father and Toby," She listed off, adding Toby's name effortlessly, as if it were second nature.

He walked behind Melissa and Veronica as they guided Spencer out of the bathroom, hustling her towards the waiting car. Toby slipped into the back, taking Spencer out of her mom's arms and into his own.

As soon as they arrived back at the house, Toby carted Spencer up the stairs to her room with Veronica on their tail, Peter called take out from Spencer's favorite restaurant and Melissa turned on the Hastings' expensive fireplace to warm the place up.

Toby stood by the bed as Veronica helped Spencer out of the funeral dress, watching Spencer's facial expressions, her breathing, her eyes. Once her mother was gone and she was out of her dress and into a pair of baggy grey sweats and a camisole, both articles Toby had never seen Spencer wear and had no clue she even owned, Spencer sat down quietly, staring Toby's chest instead of his eyes.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked meekly.

Instantly Toby searched for Veronica because he was sure there was no way his girlfriend meant him. "Spence, what are you talking about?"

"I must have embarrassed you-you know," She stuttered, "puking at the service, starting an uproar."

"Spencer," He said her name softly, stretching it out. "There is not a person in the world who couldn't understand your reaction. Your best friend in the world was murdered and you watched-" Instantly, Toby knew saying the words aloud was a mistake, as her already watery eyes spilled over. "Spence, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Its fine, Tobes," She assured, discretely wiping her fallen tears. "It's true, right?" Spencer raised her head to meet his gaze, her eyes begging him a question he didn't know how to answer.

Her expression was so broken, so destroyed, it killed a part of him to see. Never had he seen her so vulnerable. "Come here," He opened his arms to her. "Come here," He said more firmly when she didn't move towards him. Finally, she stood up slowly, choking back her sobs. Toby kept his arms open to her as she walked over to him at her own pace. When she reached him though, she buried herself inside his arms, bawling into his chest. "Baby," he whispered into her hair, unsure of what else he could say.

"This is all my fault," Spencer sobbed into his neck, "all my fault."

It took him a few moments to comprehend what she said, as she was crying so hard but when he understood he pushed her back slightly. "No, Spencer, this could never be your fault," He promised, wiping her tears with his thumbs, cupping her face.

"I-I-I should-d have stopp-ped it-t," She stammered, her eyes producing tears so fast and so hard that she could barely look at him. "I should of-f told Aria-" Her name took the breath right out of Spencer, having to recollect herself for a moment, "I should have told her Ezra was -A sooner. Maybe then this wouldn't have happened."

Toby couldn't take anymore. He gripped Spencer's arms, lifting her up and laying her down on the bed, lying right next to her. "Baby, there's nothing you could have done," He whispered, pulling her to his chest.

Spencer's hysterics didn't stop or even pause but he didn't want them to. He wanted her to get out her feelings, preferably in front of him. He didn't want Spencer hiding anything or holding anything back. "I love you, Spencer," He whispered, kissing her hair forcefully. "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, Spencer."

In response she hugged herself closer to him, pushing her face into his neck. "I love you more," She whispered.

He wanted to promise her it'd be okay. He wanted to reassure her and protect her and make her laugh but he knew he could never do that. He had tried and taken drastic measures to ensure her safety once, only resulting in the opposite. So he had to settle for holding her while she cried, kissing her tears away and declaring his love for her, hoping to help heal the wound.

Much to Toby surprise, a package of tissues magically appeared on Spencer's nightstand a half hour later. Her parents seemed to have become ghosts, no longer visible but left a trail.

Changing position so that Spencer was laying in his lap, her head resting in the crook of his elbow, Toby used the soft tissues to wipe away tear after tear after tear, pressing soft kisses into her forehead, her hair, her cheek, the corner of her mouth. He did anything he could think of to make her feel better, to the point where he was feeding her water, rubbing her back, stroking her hair, kissing her anywhere he could reach, trying so hard to make her tears falter in some way.

Spencer eventually passed out from exhaustion and when she did, Toby gently laid her on her side, spooning her. "I love you so much, Spencer," He whispered, gently, planting another kiss on her neck. "I'll always be here for you. You're my heart, my entire life, my light. I'd do anything for you." He knew she probably could not hear him but just saying the words made him feel better.

When Spencer awoke the next morning, her voice was hoarse and her eyes were puffy but she didn't start crying. Toby gently cupped her elbow and helped her down the stairs, seating her on the couch. "Are you hungry?" He asked, gently, sitting on the coffee table across from her.

Spencer shook her head, just staring off into space. Of course not. She hadn't eaten since before Aria's death and surely wasn't holding an appetite after the funeral. But Toby knew that she was only hurting herself more by not eating. Immediately Toby wanted to go find Ezra and kill him, hang him from a hook and skin him alive, not only for hurting Spencer but for hurting all four girls. The damaging effects of that night were not just going to heal. Emily, Hanna and Spencer would always carry that night with them.

Peter waltzed in after that, hanging up his phone. "Who was that?" Toby asked, just to make conversation.

"Melissa. She moved into a new apartment in Philly."

Toby was surprised to see Spencer raise an eyebrow over that. He hadn't expected her to listen. "So, what? Was Melissa sick of the attention not being on her and had to escape or something?" Spencer snapped at her dad.

Peter grew uncomfortable, "Come on, Spencer-" He started, holding up a hand, his face one of a lawyer.

"No! No, I'm not going to just-" Before she could continue, Veronica was downstairs and sitting on the couch next to Spencer, her hand cupping the back of her head.

"Shhh," She hushed, bringing Spencer's head to her shoulder.

It didn't take long for Spencer to reject the comfort, moving out of her mother's hold as soon as the tears were gone. She stood up quickly, playing cool, like she was nothing more than bored with the living room.

Without a word, she grasped Toby's hand and led him back to her room. "Sorry," She said as soon as she shut the door, plopping down on the red chair. "I had to get out of there."

Toby looked at her, measuring her emotion. "Why, Spence?"

"I was suffocating," She stated blankly.

Instead of letting it go, like he may have yesterday or the day before, he moved to sit across from her, straddling the red ottoman. "Spencer, I need more."

"Well, I don't have more," She said, her voice even as she brought her legs up to her chest.

"All I want is to help you. How can I do that if you won't let me in?" He pushed, taking her hand.

"I'm fine, Toby. I don't need help," She pulled her hand out of his hold. "I'm just fine."

Toby rolled his eyes, annoyance heightening in his system. "Yeah, you're doing just dandy, aren't you? I mean, you've only been chased by psychopaths for two years and lost two of your best friends and had to lie to everyone and give up any plan for the future. Yeah, I bet you're just fine," He snapped.

It wasn't until Spencer smacked his chest that he realized how insensitive his words were.

"Spencer, I'm sorry," He quickly apologized but the damage was done.

Standing up smoothly, she collected some articles of clothing from her closet. "I'm going to shower," She called over her shoulder as she headed down the hall.

She had barely even left his side since he'd brought her home from the hospital. Burying his face in his hands he realized how badly he'd screwed up. The stress of the atmosphere was getting to him and suddenly he had the feeling of the walls closing in on him, like he needed to escape. Almost as an afterthought he realized he was crying.

Standing up without another thought, he took the stairs two at a time and flew out the door, feeling like the air around him was going to pin him to the ground and take the life out of him.

Toby fought the temptation to leave town. Their fight hadn't even escalated enough that either of them started yelling but something about it was different from their usual arguing. Maybe it was the pressure of the Hastings household. Like a house made of Popsicle sticks, the foundation wasn't at all steady and in time it was bound to cave in and collapse.

Maybe it was the feeling of failure that had been stuck in the back of his mind. Spencer had been hurt, emotionally, mentally and physically, so many times but this was definitely the worst he'd seen and a part of him couldn't shake the feeling that this was his fault for not protecting her better, for not looking out for her while she looked out for everyone else.

And a large part of Toby's problem was the anxiety he hadn't been able to really get rid of since bringing her home. Spencer had been there, inches away from the gun and fired bullet. She had been the one who had seen the psychotic man for the person he really was first. She'd witnessed the entire thing and had laid in her best friend's blood, failing to revive her, seeing her murdered.

She, the most independent person he'd ever met, had to be carried from the scene by a parametric. Peter had informed him sometime in the last few days she had to be held down by three different nurses for a doctor to make sure she wasn't wounded herself. She had to be bathed, dressed and held-not that Toby minded or that he wasn't honored that she had allowed him but it wasn't Spencer. His Spencer was more fiercely independent than George Washington in the Revolutionary War.

Arriving to his loft had brought little comfort to his disturbed mood. While debating on turning back and heading over to the Hastings again, before Spencer had time to realize he was gone, Toby realized there was a figure heading towards him. Before it could alarm him, he realized it was his father.

Carrying a small white teddy bear, Daniel Cavanaugh smiled sheepishly at his only child. "This is for Spencer. . . I didn't know what to get...flowers just felt odd," He said awkwardly.

"Dad. . . "Toby gasped, shocked that his dad was here. "Dad, what are you doing here?"

Daniel didn't respond for several minutes, an unsure look in his eyes. Toby, having learned it from Spencer, was now gifted at staring people down until they spoke. Finally, Daniel met his son's gaze. "I went to the funeral with Jenna and Lisa," He stated, looking at his shoes. "I saw you and I saw Spencer. I wanted to say something to you. Especially after she ran out. I'm your dad. I'm supposed to help you in hard times. But," He hesitated. "I realized I had no clue what to say. I haven't met Spencer since you two started dating. I only remember her as a little girl when you guys were in elementary school. And I know that's on me but. . . .I wanted just to tell you that I'm sorry that you're both going through this and I hope Spencer feels better soon."

Toby didn't know why or what came over him but suddenly his dad was no longer the man who went from hugging him as he mourned his mother's death one day to marrying a new woman and abandoning him completely the next. He wasn't the man who had looked at him with disgust and contempt after Jenna claimed he had been forcing himself on her, or the man who wouldn't let him come to church because he didn't want to be associated with him in public. He wasn't the man who had told him he was dead to him on multiple occasions or yelled in his face when he came to him for answers about his mother's death.

No, because underneath all the fights and the raised voices and the hurt feelings and the angry silences that carried on for months even after the arguments had ended, Daniel Cavanaugh was still Toby's father and he'd never get another.

Toby was surprised by how quickly his dad accepted his hug, his hand suddenly on the back of his head, the way it was when he woke him up at fifteen to tell him his mother had passed. And then very quietly Toby heard his dad whisper, "I love you, son," in his ear.

And because that was all Toby ever wanted to hear, he chose to let go of the anger he'd held onto for so long towards his father.

After a minute, both men let go of one another, shaking off any left over emotion. "By the way," Daniel started, casually, "Spencer is very pretty."

Toby laughed slightly. "Yeah, she's beautiful," Pride and admiration colored his voice.

"Much different than that eight year old at summer camp who needed floaties and special goggles and wet herself in the pool," He remarked, handing Toby the stuffed bear he'd been holding.

Toby laughed out loud at the reference, shaking his head. "Spence is a year younger than me so she was only seven at the time," He corrected automatically, habit formed from the last year of dating Spencer Hastings.

Thinking of Spencer reminded Toby of how they'd last left it. Explaining to his dad that he had to take care of something, Toby hurriedly got back into his truck, taking the teddy bear with him, and drove straight back to the Hastings.

The drive back only served in reminding him exactly how clingy Spencer had been lately. How could he just leave her without any sort of goodbye?

His fears were proven true when he saw through the window his girlfriend sobbing and shaking. "Spencer!" He yelled, pounding on the door.

Before he could hit it twice, Peter flung the door open, shoving him inside. "She's a wreck. She came wandering down stairs five minutes after you left and when we told her you ran out, she had a meltdown," Peter motioned towards the sofa where his younger daughter sat, under her mother's arm.

Instantly, Toby was by her side, suddenly getting a feeling of deja vu. This was eerily similar to the night at the hospital. "Spencer," Toby whispered, pushing her hair behind her ear.

Spencer turned to look at him. "You're here?" She croaked, looking at him in disbelief.

Instead of answering her though, Toby leaned in and kissed her cheek, brushing a tear away, then another, then another. "I'm so sorry, Spence. So so very sorry." He whispered, pressing a kiss to the place behind her ear. "I'm here right now and I'm not going anywhere." Her mother looked at them for a moment before unwrapping her arm around Spencer and standing up to give them privacy.

Spencer nodded towards the bear still in Toby's hand, wrapping her arms around his neck, latching on. "What's that?"

Toby laughed a little, looking down at the stuffed toy. "My dad asked me to give this to you."

The look on her face was priceless. "Your dad?"

He handed her the bear, for the first time seeing that it had Spencer sewed into the pillow. "He wanted to do something to help. . .I don't really know," Toby brushed off, shrugging.

Spencer looked up at him, sloppily swiping her hand across her face to remove evidence of tears. "Tell him thank you," She said, trying to repress her sniffles as Toby brought his hand up to rub away her tears gently.

"Tell him yourself. I think he'd like to meet you."

Spencer snorted. "Really? Because he didn't want to meet me when we started dating or anytime in the last-"

"I know, Spence," Toby agreed as he moved to sit next to her on the couch, wrapping an arm around her. "I know," He kissed the top of her head as she leaned into his chest.

Her waterworks didn't start back up like he expected. Instead she just leaned into his chest, subtlety looking around for her parents, who had allusively slipped out the back door.

"We need to talk about happened earlier," Toby stated, looking at the fireplace instead of his girlfriend. "I'm sorry I pushed you like that Spencer. I should have let it go, I know, but. . ."

After a few seconds of silence, Spencer prompted, "But?"

"I just can't stop myself if I think you need help. I want you to lean on me when you need someone but you put on a mask and you try to conceal it."

She laughed, humorlessly. "That's what I do, Tobes. I push people away. It's what I'm really good at," She said dejectedly, letting out a deep breath as if to push away her emotions again.

Pulling away from his hold and leaning forward, Spencer covered her face with her hands. "I don't know how to be different. I have no clue how to let anyone in," She whispered.

Toby's heart broke for her. "Spencer. . ." He whispered, but didn't continue. Then, completely out of the blue, he spoke again. "You know what my dad reminded me of today?"

Spencer slowly craned her head out of her palms and towards him, looking at him confused. "What?"

"Do you remember Camp Saginaw?"

A muddled look overrode her features. "Yeah, I do," She looked at him as if he had three heads. "I haven't thought of Camp Saginaw in years though. I didn't have the best experience there."

"I know."

Her face became more puzzled, "How do you know?"

"I was there, remember?"

Spencer didn't reply, turning to stare straight ahead. "What about summer camp is so important right now, Toby?"

He acted as if she hadn't spoken. "You were seven years old and you knew no one there. Melissa was with the older girls and you were by yourself. You told me once last year that you never took swimming lessons because you'd rather have learned academically," He waited for her to nod in confirmation. "Well, it was swimming day and you were not allowed to stay in your cabin and read Harry Potter, like you wanted to. I remember because I had been there before and was being trained as a junior life guard. They told me to watch you but you wouldn't even get in the water. The lifeguard that was training me tried to get you to just take a step in but you said you didn't know if the water was sanitary. Finally, one of the counselors got you to go but only after you got floaties and custom goggles that didn't squeeze your head." He chuckled, looking at her pursed lips. She knew what happened next. "You went into the water and you struggled to stay floating. You were flapping your arms too hard and panicked when the camp counselor let go. You accidentally peed yourself in the pool." He couldn't hide his smirk as she turned her head away to face forward, clearly repressing an embarrassed laugh. "After that all the other kids were laughing and you looked like you were going to cry. I felt so bad for you but then you just. . .got this fierce look in your eyes and you swam to the side of the pool and took off your floaties and tried to swim without them. I remember thinking how brave you were." He smiled, running a hand through her hair, pushing it back so he could see her face better as she still wasn't facing him. "Then, one moment I'm talking to the life guard about the importance of CPR training, the next he's blowing his whistle. I turned and looked and you were laying at the bottom of the pool. I didn't think, I just jumped in after you and helped two life guards pull you out. They had to give you mouth to mouth and they were so worried you needed an ambulance but you. . ." He paused, shaking his head. "You came back with a vengeance. You started yelling at one of the lifeguards, saying you were looking for Merpeople and you knew for a fact that you saw a Grindylow in the bottom of the pool. You were so angry that they had stopped you before you could capture it. The look on the life guard's face was priceless. He had no clue what to say." Toby moved his hand to rub her shoulder blade. "Do you remember what I said?" Spencer shook her head, although the look on her face implied she did. "I said that the next time you decide to go looking for Merpeople and Grindylow, you had to take me with you."

Spencer shook her head, a smile breaking out across her face despite the fact she was trying to hold it back. "I can't believe you remember that!"

"I can't believe my dad remembered that," Toby grinned back.

She laughed to herself for a second. "So is there a reason you suddenly want to go back down memory lane, Tobes? I mean, we've only been dating for over a year and we've never mentioned Camp Saginaw before."

"I was just thinking. . ." He stated, rubbing the sleeve of her sweater between his thumb and pointer finger, feeling the friction and the cotton.

"About how I wet myself and then drowned in nine feet deep water?" Toby chuckled but didn't respond. After silence for a few minutes, Spencer spoke. "Did it ever happen again?" She asked, softly, looking up at him. "Did I ever drown again?"

He didn't respond at first, moving his hand from her sleeve into her hair, stroking it. "You tell me, sweetheart." When she just looked at him blankly, he added, "You don't need water to be drowning."

Spencer looked at him for a solid minute, her face feeling hot and wet, before she realized she had started to cry again. Without thinking, she climbed into Toby's arms.

She realized unconsciously how well she fit there. Her love. Her safe place to land. The arms, even at just eight years old, that had saved her from drowning.

Spencer began to think she belonged there. Maybe she always had.

Maybe she always will.


	4. Coffee Conversations

**AN: Okay, so I just graduated high school, so I now will be writing a lot more and having a lot more free time on my hands. So please leave me whatever prompt you'd like.  
><strong>

**I asked people on Tumblr (My username is SpobyFanfictionArchive) to leave me their choice for what to write next and the majority of people voted for the Andrew/Toby confrontation.**

**This came from smile2000, spoby fan and Brittany. Thanks for sending in your request!  
><strong>

**And remember to review :)**

Lines were always one of Toby Cavanaugh's pet peeves. He knew they were just a factor of life, something inconvenient that everyone had to endure. He'd always hoped though, that he'd be waiting a whole lot less after gaining his GED and effectively ending his high school career. High school and lines went together like cheese and crackers. He'd hoped in vain though, as he waited in line for coffee from a particularly slow Barista on a particularly busy day.

By the grunt that erupted from his girlfriend's throat, he wasn't the only impatient one. "Tapping your foot isn't making this line move any faster, Spence," Toby repeated her common response when he grew impatient, more to tease her than anything else.

"Well, maybe it'll make this new kid hurry up." Spencer voiced rather loudly, obviously directing it at the boy behind the counter. It was the same kid Spencer had demanded remake her coffee a month ago. When Toby asked why she was suddenly jumping down the Barista's throat, she'd waved him off with a line about some rumor at school about Aria that kid had started.

Toby chuckled internally at his girlfriend's obvious dislike for the kid and her uncanny ability to use every opportunity life presented to show it. She was nothing if not protective of the ones she loves.

He even remembered a time when that same fire burning rage and ice cold eyes that could stop a beating heart was directed right at him.

Shaking off the memories of a time he'd rather not revisit, Toby placed his hand on Spencer's shoulder, about to say something to settle her down when another voice beat him to it. "Easy there, killer," a blonde, bulky kid said, his mouth turning up in a subtle smirk.

Killer? The boy made the word sound like an endearing nickname.

Apparently it was, as Spencer smiled right back at the guy. "Andrew, I didn't see you there," The words took a tone of familiarity. Spencer knew this kid. _Toby_ knew this kid, he realized.

"Yeah, well, I blend into the background before my morning coffee," He joked, his smile only growing bigger.

Before she could respond, Spencer's attention was drawn back to Toby, whose hand was still placed on her shoulder. "Oh! Toby, this is Andrew Campbell," She introduced, gesturing towards the tall blonde. "Andrew, this is Toby Cavanaugh, the carpenter."

Carpenter? Spencer introduced him by his profession? Did she do this with everyone?

_The Carpenter._

Like a light bulb turning on, Toby realized this was from a previous conversation.

Judging by the look Andrew was still giving Spencer, Toby didn't really feel like pursuing _this_ conversation. "The line is moving up," Toby's voice resembled the wood he used on his job site.

Andrew Campbell. He recognized the face from the decathlon tournaments he'd attended to cheer Spencer on. The kid was as smart as Spencer.

But if he was really smart, he would have run the second comprehension struck Toby Cavanaugh's face. He didn't just know this guy from Spencer. He knew him from a conversation Veronica and Peter Hastings were kind enough to include him in. The night Spencer ditched him, the night she'd confronted Jessica Dilaurentis, the last night she ever took Addreall, after she'd stormed upstairs, her parents went on a rabid chase to figure out where their daughter was getting her supply of ADHD medication from.

They figured out after forcing her to hand over her phone that one of her enablers went by the name Andrew Campbell.

Suddenly, Toby could feel the room take on another color, closer to red.

Naturally quiet and altruistic, Toby rarely felt this kind of rage. Not since he'd gotten away from Jenna and her malicious stunts. Not since he'd first been informed of the hooded team that was out to harm his girlfriend. He didn't feel this kind of rage over any little thing.

But someone feeding the only person he was absolutely sure he loved amphetamines was no small thing, even if she was willing to take them.

Toby eventually moved his arm from Spencer's shoulder to subtly-but not too subtly-take her hand.

Andrew ordered his coffee but didn't leave. He waited at the counter, trying not to be obvious. But it was obvious, he was waiting for Spencer.

Toby didn't bother entertaining the idea of being elusive. As Spencer ordered her coffee, Toby's hand moved to massage the back of her neck, gently kneading at her tense vertebrates, before cupping the back of her head, gently rubbing her brown curls. "Does that hurt, sweetheart?'' He asked, making his voice sweet as the sugar Andrew suddenly couldn't figure out how to open.

Spencer, once again, remained oblivious. "It always hurts, Tobes. _Always_. I swear I have a permanent knot in the back of my head. I haven't brush my hair back there in more than a year."

Toby's hand moved to her shoulder, finding a pressure point where it met her neck. Squeezing the tight muscles, Spencer gasped and squirmed. "Does that hurt?"

Andrew seemed to wish to jump to her rescue, his hands shaking around his coffee as he watched the couple interact.

"Yes," Spencer whispered.

Letting go of her agitated muscles, Toby leaned forward to kiss it. "Shh, I'll tell you what. You bag school today and I'll set you up in bed with hot towels on your neck and back."

Spencer's face broke into a smile. "Really?"

The look of pure joy and excitement distracted Toby from his current plan for a second. Had no one really ever offered her such a deal? She had no idea what it was like to have another human being be so willing to take care of her that when she heard the offer, her first reaction was that it wasn't real.

"Of course," Toby leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "And I'll get you some lotion and rub it all over your back and legs, just like you love."

"Really?" Her voice was getting more enthusiastic by the second.

"Absolutely," He couldn't resist the urge to pull her into a hug. It wasn't everyday she got that animated about something so trivial. "I would do anything for you, Spencer."

He didn't miss the way Andrew's face took on a more sour expression, as if his coffee suddenly turned bitter.

Toby knew he couldn't contain himself any longer. "Go upstairs, Spence and lay down on the bed. I'll bring you your coffee."

"Don't forget, tons of sugar," She instructed, unwrapping her arms from his neck.

"I won't forget," He promised, now looking directly into Andrew's eyes, as she made her way towards his loft, fully aware he was implying a double meaning. "I never forget anything concerning her," Toby said, keeping his tone light as he picked up the two coffees and made his way next to Andrew, picking up three packets of sugar and depositing them all in Spencer's coffee.

Andrew looked a lot less friendly now that Spencer had disappeared. Or maybe he was as smart as he gave himself credit for and knew the display Toby had just put on was for him to witness. Still Toby continued talking, his voice growing less flippant as he spoke. "I would never forget how she likes her coffee, her birthday, her field hockey matches, her decathlon competitions, _the person who gave her_ _Adderall_."

Andrew dropped the packet of sugar he was still trying to tear open. "So that's what this is about."

"What?"

"That whole display you just put on! You rubbing her and kissing her, it was to make me angry and to get her to leave."

Not willing to admit he was right, Toby corrected, "That display was because I deeply love Spencer. You getting angry was just a bonus."

"So what, you're mad that I gave her the pills that she asked for? She asked for them, Carpe-"

"If you call me Carpenter, I can't be held responsible for your black eye."

That made Andrew swallow the rest of his sentence. He may be strong and athletic but he felt like if Toby had enough rage in him, he might do some serious damage.

Toby took a deep breath in. "Did you know she had an addiction to those pills?"

"N-no!" Andrew stumbled. He had no idea that Spencer had a history with Adderall.

Toby looked at him again, as if he were measuring him for size. "Didn't you know Spence sophomore year?"

"Well, yeah-"

"She was going through a lot, wasn't she?"

"Yes, but she didn't share that with me," Andrew fumbled again. What was it with this guy? Toby wasn't as taller or as broad as Andrew, yet Andrew found himself wanting to crawl into a corner just to escape him.

"But you were her friend, right?" Toby asked, as if he already knew the answer.

"I guess, yeah-"

"And you're her friend now?"

"Yes!" Andrew exclaimed, avoiding the looks the other customers were giving him for being loud. Toby suddenly hoped no one here would pass this confrontation onto Spencer, unsure of what her reaction to this would be.

"So why would a friend give her those pills? Addiction or not, those pills are harmful," Toby inquired. "And a friend, who knows Spencer knows her personality, knows she is the kind who would go to extremes. It's something I love about her but it also terrifies me."

Andrew didn't have the right words, a feeling that was unusual for someone who was Summa Cum Lade.

"I didn't think they were dangerous, alright!" Andrew spit out after a second of stumbling to figure out the right words in his brain and put them in an order that makes sense.  
>"I've taken them too and I've never-"<p>

"Wait, wait,'' Toby held up his hand to stop him. "You take these pills too? Recreationally?"

Andrew hesitated before nodding. "I do have a legit prescription though," He repeated the same line he gave Spencer, the line he gave himself to justify his usage.

Toby shook his head, before rolling his eyes, "I don't care what you do to yourself, Andrew. What I care about is Spencer. And I don't like anything or anyone who causes her harm, however indirect it may be. Personally, I wish she'd never speak to you again, for giving her pills _and_ for hitting on her every chance you get." Toby would be lying if he didn't say the shade of red that Andrew's face suddenly turned didn't please him a little. "But that's her decision. I'm just saying, if I find out you've enabled her addiction, the thing that causes her more pain than anything else, I won't care who decides to hold me responsible for your black eye."

The mouth of the broad blonde fell open at the not-so-indirect threat.

"Have a nice day,'' Toby concluded, picking up the two drinks he'd purchased.

"Yeah, hope to never see you again," Andrew mumbled under his breath, picking up his untorn packet of sugar and his caffeinated beverage.

Making his way through the crowd and up the stairs to his loft, Toby was shocked to see his girlfriend hanging out in the open doorway.

He wondered, fearfully, if she'd heard anything he'd said.

"Did you really just do that?"

Apparently she had.

Toby didn't respond right away, a sheepish look clouding his features as he followed her into the loft.

He made his way past her, setting the drinks on the table before taking a deep breath. "I know, okay, I know. It was a testosterone filled move, I should have left it alone, I'm ruining your identity as a feminist by being such an alpha male."

Spencer's stern expression turned to a smirk. A playful smirk. "I kind of liked it," She shrugged, looking away, fighting a real smile.

Toby's expression took an abrupt turn for the bright side. "You did?"

"I said kind of," Spencer corrected, walking towards him, reaching out to whack him lightly in the stomach.

He caught her hand though, before it made contact with his shirt, and easily scooped her up in his arms, hugging her to his chest. "You're not mad," He sighed in relief, leaning in and pressing butterfly kisses to her neck, throat, chin, cheek, eyelid and forehead, repeatedly.

"Hey! I still fully expect that massage you were so kind to offer. If I'm missing important classes, you better make this worth my while."


	5. Torn

**Prompt: "Can you please do a Spoby miscarriage prompt?", among others. This was also the highest voted from my tumblr users.**

**Don't forget to review and request (:**

_No_.

_No._

_NO._

The word didn't seem powerful enough for the emotion Spencer Hastings was feeling. She shut her eyes, hoping that if she blinked hard enough everything would disappear. The last two years, the ugly texts, the painful attacks, the gut wrenching fear, the stupid pills, the ridiculous people, the destruction of her family, the fighting, the lies, the little cardboard box that sat in her lap.

It wasn't the box that was the problem.

It was what came out of the box.

It was the pregnancy test that now lay on top of the box.

It was the little pink plus sign that she couldn't unsee.

Out of nowhere, the nausea that had overcome her over the last few weeks returned.

"Spencer!" Toby's fist pounded on the door as soon as she lunged for the toilet bowl. "Spence, let me in."

"I'm fine!" She called when she could breathe, hoping the shakiness she felt in her limbs didn't translate to her voice.

"Just let me come help you," He pleaded gently, his voice soft as silk. "Please, Spence."

She had to blink hard again to push back the tears that were filling up in her eyes. She wasn't ready to tell him the truth. She knew all that lies had cost her in the past but she wasn't ready to let him know about this. Not yet. Not until she had come to terms with it.

Spencer Hastings had to be in control. She couldn't let him know just how scared she was. He'd done so much for her, risked so much, forgiven her for everything she'd put him through. For once, she wanted to return some of that kindness to him, be the one who shouldered this burden.

At least for a little while.

She'd tell him when she had the words and the attitude that would make _him_ feel better about this whole thing, she promised herself.

"Spencer," He breathed softly through other side of the door, when he heard her gagging again.

Quickly, picking up the pregnancy test and opening the drawer under the sink, she dug out a pad, thanking God that her boyfriend thought enough to give her a drawer in his loft. She wrapped the test in the pad and wrapped the pad in toilet paper, shoving it to the bottom of the trashcan beside the sink.

Toby knocked on the door again. "I'm going to go get the key. . . ."

"No!" She shouted, grabbing the little box that once held the test inside. "No, Toby, I'm fine! Just hang on a second!" Grabbing the box and burying it in the bottom of the trashcan, underneath countless paper towels-eventually she'd need to remind him to take the trash out more than once a month-and quickly flushed the toilet before flinging the door open. "Sorry, I just-" She cut herself off, not sure how to continue. How had she lied so well these last couple of years? Suddenly, it was a foreign concept to her.

Toby didn't take notice though, not this time. Instead, his hand reached for her forehead, feeling her temperature. "You don't feel warm," He noted, softly.

"Probably just food poisoning," Spencer reasoned, unsteadily.

Toby seemed to chalk her odd behavior up to illness. "Go lie down in my bed, alright. I'll take care of you."

She smiled softly to herself. Even when she was scared to death, he had the ability to make her swoon.

She had barely laid down when Toby emerged into the room, carrying a glass of water and some crackers. Helping her sit up, he pressed the glass to her lips. "Let's just see if you can keep this down," He murmured, stroking her hair.

Tired and still feeling uneasy, Spencer settled onto her back, rejecting the crackers when Toby brought them up to her lips. "Okay," He whispered, running his fingertips softly on her jawline.

"I really don't feel sick, Tobes," She commented sometime later, while he was removing her socks. "Just tired. And a little nauseous."

"Mmm," He nodded, seemingly not buying it, standing up and pulling the covers over her body, tucking her in. "Try to sleep it off," He suggested. "I'm going to go call your mom and tell her you aren't feeling well."

Her mom, who was now divorcing her father, who apparently conspired with her _loving_ big sister to murder their neighbor who mothered her half-brother and her best friend. This wasn't the ideal family to bring a child into.

The knot in her stomach only seemed to build as the night went on, despite all Toby's loving care. When he returned again, he brought a cool wash cloth to place upon her forehead, a bucket in case she threw up again-and she did-and a book to read to her.

Every time she hurled, he was there, one hand holding her hair, the other rubbing her back, gently guiding her into his arms once she was done and handing her a glass of water. He tried to get her to eat something light more than once but she refused every time.

Eventually, she fell asleep with Toby spooning her, rubbing his fingertips in patterns along her arm.

He was such a good boyfriend. He loved her unconditionally, no matter what she threw his way.

Still, she couldn't manage to say the words,

_I'm pregnant._

X.

Weeks passed and the morning sickness didn't get any better. She faked feeling better long enough to leave Toby's loft without him worrying though. He texted her that afternoon, after school ended, asking if he needed to come over and stay the night, in case she got sick again. Under different circumstances, Spencer would have used any excuse to lure her boyfriend under her roof.

But staying in a hotel room, sleeping in a bed right by her mother, the idea lost its appeal, pregnancy aside.

He showed up at Rosewood High the next day, a school full of horrid memories for him, just to bring her lunch and ask if she felt any better. She nodded and prayed that she kept down the sandwich and salad he'd so kindly brought her.

And she did, thank God.

By the end of the week, Toby believed she was all healthy again. But he had to notice she had suddenly become rather distant.

Spencer ignored his calls before bed, usually because she went to bed at nine o' clock sharp, hoping to escape reality for as long as possible. She usually replied to his texts but with elusive responses. When he offered to take her out to dinner, she said she didn't want to make her mom eat alone.

That was a total lie and she knew it. Her mother had buried herself in paperwork, shifting focus between her current case and what her P.I had dug up on her soon to be ex-husband. She had no time to eat dinner with her daughter.

Busy or not though, it was difficult for Veronica to not notice the change in her daughter, while sharing a hotel room. The going to bed early, the moodiness, the random checking the mirror while touching her stomach and, more than anything, the not well disguised throwing up every so often.

"Sweetie, come here," Veronica said one night, patting the spot next to, motioning for Spencer to sit next to her on the bed.

"Yeah?" Spencer murmured.

"Honey, I know this whole divorce and everything you've gone through lately has taken a toll on you. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't taken one on me," She started out. "But, Spencer, I can't help but notice that you've. . . possibly developed an issue."

Spencer froze. This was what she was terrified of. Maybe even more than telling Toby. Having to tell her parents, her parents with their high expectations and their opinions. Having to tell them that she was knocked up, that she had been stupid, that she did exactly what they had made her swore to never do.

She'd failed.

But the words that her mother spoke were not the words she feared. "Honey, an eating disorder is a serious issue if we don't get this under control, _fast_. Your father-"

Spencer cut her off and quick. "Eating disorder?" She stared at her mom, bewildered. "Eating disorder! Mom, I am not bulimic!"

"Sweetheart, I know it's hard to admit it when you have a problem. We went through this with Adderall too-"

"I'm not _making_ myself throw up!" She threw her hands up in the air, standing up, feeling lightheaded. "I wouldn't do that-"

"Then why do I hear you gagging in the bathroom every day, Spencer! Why can I sense that there is something not right with you?" Spencer swallowed hard, feeling the tears fill back up into her eyes. She didn't know what to say. "Honey, I want to help you but I need-"

"You can't, okay! You can't help!" Spencer burst, feeling the tears spill over. Immediately, she felt her mom pull her back down and wrap her arms around her. "Mom," She cried into her neck, just like when she was a kid.

Who was she kidding? She still was a kid. She still needed her mom to hug her when she cried. She wasn't prepared to bring a child into this world.

"We'll get you help," Her mom whispered, petting her hair. "I promise, we'll help you through this."

Veronica had no idea what she was talking about but just hearing those words made Spencer feel better for a second, for one moment believing that her mom knew the truth and would take part of the burden off Spencer's shoulders.

She realized someone else would gladly hug her and tell her it's going to be okay, someone who she could actually be honest with and tell the whole truth.

Spencer was ready to tell Toby.

X.

About an hour later, Spencer was lying down on her hotel bed. Her mom had held her until her phone rang. It was the P.I that was tracking her dad. They asked her to come meet them. Veronica had refused to tell her any details, just plainly saying that she wanted Spencer to rest and they'd talk when she got back.

The only issue was, an hour after her departure, Spencer's phone buzzed on the night stand. Incoming message from Hanna Marin reading S.O.S. Spencer sighed as the phone buzzed a second time. This S.O.S came from Emily.

Spencer didn't bother checking the next two buzzes, knowing they were from Ali and Aria. She grabbed her keys and hoped her mom wouldn't get back before her.

The car ride to the location Hanna sent to her wasn't long. The hotel she was staying at was close to the church. The very same church that Ian had tried to kill her in. She shuttered, hoping this was nothing.

But _nothing_ was nothing, Spencer had learned a long time ago.

Entering the church with caution, she was met by four frightened glances, until they realized that she wasn't the hooded enemy.

"What the hell?" Spencer exclaimed, walking inside the pew.

"On my way home I swear someone was following me," Alison explained quickly, whipping her head side to side, looking for an uninvited guest. "I ran in here as fast as I could and texted you guys."

"Why were you even walking?" Hanna budged in, never thinking about the appropriate time for questions.

Spencer ignored Hanna. "Was it -A?"

"I have no idea," Ali's expression looked terrified, like she'd seen a ghost. People sneaking around behind her in the dark was a territory too familiar to her.

"It's going to be okay, Ali," Emily reassured her.

But Spencer didn't care to hear Emily make Alison feel better. "You called us here, because you _thought_ you saw someone following you? We've had people following us for years!"

Alison's expression turned sour, her eyes narrowing but before she could let out a sharp remark directed at the skinny brunette, everyone fell silent at a loud thump.

Suddenly, Spencer wondered if it was more than Alison getting paranoid.

And when a dark shadowy character ran around the other side of the pews, she _knew_ was more than Ali being paranoid.

"Guys!" Is all Aria said before the hooded figure flipped a table topped with lit candles in their direction.

Collective screams were heard but the five teenagers had-unfortunately-enough experience in these situations to know it was time to run. Seeing -A coming in the direction of the door, the girls, all gripping each other's coats and arms, raced in the opposite direction.

Unfortunately for them, the other direction led only one way. Up.

To the bell tower where Spencer was almost murdered a year prior.

Trying to not think about the past and just focusing on the present, as she ran up the stairs, suddenly Spencer realized she was no longer just protecting herself but also protecting an unborn life inside of her.

"Spence!" Aria shouted when she saw that the brunette had come to a standstill, one hand laying on her stomach.

Snapping out of her daze, Spencer took off running, following the direction of the other four, racing up the long, continuous staircase, now wondering what all this exercise and stress meant to the baby.

The race was a doomed effort though, as through some shortcut, the masked figure had beaten them there.

Face to face-or mask-with the enemy, the girls were frozen in place, knowing they couldn't run downstairs as the fire was spreading through the first floor but realizing that standing next to -A and a large fall off a ledge was equally as dangerous.

Sliding her phone out of her back pocket, Spencer began to dial 9-1-1 behind her back.

If -A saw what she was doing, they didn't make a move.

Hanna, who apparently _had_ seen what Spencer was doing, decided to try and distract the enemy. "What do you want from us!" Hanna shouted, her emotion seemingly coming out of nowhere. The other three girls looked at Hanna like she was a chicken running around with her head cut off. "Get lost!" The blonde shouted, stepping forward, around the other girls and shoving the hooded figure into the direction of the steep fall that Ian had tried to throw Spencer down.

"Hanna!"

"Hanna!"

"Hanna!"

The other three girls seemed horrified by their blonde, usually not so intelligent, friend's actions.

But what terrified Spencer was -A's actions.

-A didn't fall down the bell tower or even dent the wood that gated the ledge off. No, they bounced right off and came flying at Hanna, fast.

Cowering, the blonde stumbled and fell, landing on her side.

Unable to stop herself, reacting purely on instinct, Spencer lunged at the figure; her only thought was stopping them from harming her best friend shaking on the floor.

But -A seemed prepared for her, as they grabbed her arm and yanked her over, out of reach of the other girls.

"Spencer!" Emily shouted, with the other three yelling out, echoing her. But Spencer didn't take the time to hear their wails. All she could understand was she was truly in -A's grasp and this was the end.

Except it wasn't. Because suddenly the sound of sirens filled the air and for the first time in all of her memory, Spencer was glad to hear the cops.

But it wasn't over yet. Because the second the police sirens got dangerously close, -A took off. But not before doing one last, unforeseen act.

-A threw all their force behind a large punch to Spencer's gut. A large punch, followed by a large, hard, shove that knocked Spencer into the wood that gated off the ledge. For a second she thought she was going to fall down, Deja Vu striking her. Only this time, the wood cracked but didn't break and projected Spencer off so that she flung backwards to the ground.

As one last gesture -A kicked Spencer, hard as possible, in the stomach before running off through the way they came.

Her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth ejecting a loud cry, and her friends instantly rushed over to her.

Pushing her hair out of her face, Aria breathed, "Spence, you're okay."

Whimpering, Spencer forced her eyes open. Through slits, she saw her four best friends crowding over her. Emily, Aria and Hanna were looking at her face, concerned, grabbing her arms and guiding her head up.

Alison, however, was focused on a different body part.

"Guys, wait." She spoke to the other three. "Sweetie, don't get up," She ordered Spencer, who was still flat on her back. Aria, Emily and Hanna looked at Ali like she was speaking a different language, no longer comprehending her logistics. But the blonde bombshell continued, touching the leg of Spencer's jeans. Looking at the other girls, she held up her hand, showing her fingers that were now tinted a rich red. "She's bleeding."

X.

Spencer didn't retain much of what happened next. She heard her friends yelling and the faint smell of smoke in the air before her friends, with their comforting hands and reassuring words and worried eyes, were taken from her. Or rather, she was taken from them.

Two paramedics lifted her up onto a stretcher and began yelling things that she couldn't comprehend as they raced her down the large amount of stairs and into the back of the ambulance.

Somewhere in the time it took to get her to the hospital, Spencer reached down and felt her jeans. When she brought her hand back up, it was covered in red liquid.

Swallowing hard to push back the moisture that clouded her sight, Spencer uttered one word. "Baby."

The female paramedic attending to her didn't say a word but the way she took her bloodied hand said enough. "Shhh."

Spencer didn't want her comfort though.

"I want Toby."

X.

An hour after arriving at the hospital's emergency room, Spencer was situated in a private room, away from all the noise clouding the air of the ER. People were screaming and crying and yelling out in pain. But all Spencer could do was be silent.

A nurse came by, just as her shift was ending and told her that the hospital had called her mother and she'd be here soon.

The only consultation Spencer got out of that news was now Veronica would know she wasn't bulimic.

She only hoped her mom didn't tell her father or her sister about her current predicament. She didn't feel like seeing either one of their faces right now. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not even next week. Her father would be angry that she had been irresponsible enough to get herself pregnant, her sister would show up for appearances but wouldn't have any real sympathy. She'd just stand by the wall and raise her eyebrow if Spencer appeared upset.

Under no circumstances should a Hastings ever show their emotions in a public place. Reserved, dignified, that's how they're made to be.

But Spencer never fit the mold.

Staring up at the ceiling, Spencer remembered a game she used to play when she was little. She'd made it up when she was seven, after breaking her wrist from falling out of a tree. She had been staying the night at Alison's and when she fell, Mr. Dilaurentis rushed her to the hospital. The break was so bad that the doctors said she needed to have surgery. Her parents had taken Melissa to the state spelling bee competition and weren't able to be reached for hours after she'd been admitted.

Instead of being upset, like a normal seven year old, Spencer had turned her head up to the ceiling and began counting the dots. Alison, who was sitting next to her, had asked her why she wasn't crying. Her words rang through her head now.

"I don't want to cry."

Repeating these same words to herself now, Spencer began to count the dots on the ceiling tiles, passing the time, waiting.

Waiting for the moment she'd been dreading since she first read the pregnancy test.

Only now, the news was completely different.

X.

An hour after her admission, two people rushed through the doors of the E.R. Spencer knew by the shoes and the stern, commanding voice one was her mother. But the second person was a surprise to her, though she should have guessed.

He was always there when she was in trouble. Always running straight to her rescue, always wanting to be her knight in shining armor, always wanting to save her.

Selfishly, she hoped he would still want to be her hero, even after finding out how she lied. How she'd been lying consistently to his face, over and over again. How she'd avoided him and rejected him and more than likely hurt his feelings on several occasions. How she'd been so careless to go out and risk not only her safety but his child's.

That was the thought that had pledged her mind for the last hour.

Spencer's fears were in vain as she felt him sink into the edge of her bed.

"Hi," Her voice was closer to a whimper, resembling the cry she wanted so desperately to avoid.

Toby didn't say anything as he leaned and kissed her cheek, wiping away the tear that was falling.

But that lone tear broke the dam and before she could control herself, Spencer was in hysterics.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, Toby! I'm so-" Her chest shaking sobs choked her words down.

Gently-always so gently-Toby folded her into his arms, one hand around her back, the other cradling her head to his chest. "Shhh," Was all he spoke, his lips in her wildly curly hair.

Her next apology was muffled by his t-shirt and so was the one after that. If Toby understood her tear laced words, he gave them no acknowledgment. He just continued to run his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp, rocking her slowly back and forth.

"It's okay, Spence. I'm right here. I promise."

X.

Eventually the cries and the sobs slowed down enough for Toby to loosen his hold around his broken girlfriend. Leaning her back against the uplifted bed, he pushed away some hair that had stuck to her tear-stained cheeks.

"Are you in any pain?" He asked, gently wiping away the tears that were still falling. Spencer shook her head. She couldn't feel physical pain right now, the hole in her chest filled with self-hatred too powerful. "You don't have to be brave,'' He whispered gently, trying to get her to meet his eyes.

Spencer's mind wasn't on her physical condition though. ''I'm sorry I didn't tell you," She whispered.

His look resembled something between awe and exasperated. "Are you afraid I'm mad at you?"

She didn't respond, her eyes focused on her shaking hands, her sobs coming back into the picture. "Shhh," He hushed, covering her hands with his. "I'm not even close to angry with you, Spence."

Slowly she raised her head to meet his eyes for the first time, realizing now that he was crying too. "You're not mad?"

"Of course not," He assured her, kissing her hand that went to wipe his tears. "Do I wish you'd told me? Yes, but I understand why you didn't." Spencer let out a sigh of relief as his arms coiled around her. "How could you think I'd ever be angry with you? While you're hurting? Any anger I could have ever felt melted the second I looked into your cubicle," His voice vibrated against her skin, soothing her. Looking out the open door, Spencer spotted now both her parents at the front desk, signing papers. "They're signing you out," Toby whispered, his hand stroking her hair.

"I don't want to go back to the hotel," Spencer whispered, looking up at Toby, feeling so small and helpless.

"Okay," He replied instantly, pressing a kiss to her forehead, still leaning over her. "I'll talk to them. Just go to sleep and get some rest. I'll wake you up when it's time to go."

X.

"Spencer," Toby crooned from above her, petting her hair. "Wake up, baby. It's time to leave."

Opening her eyes, Spencer suddenly found her whole family inside her small hospital room. Disoriented, she asked what was going on.

"Your doctor checked you out. You're good to go," He prompted, helping her sit up very slowly.

Looking at her mom, fearing the answer, Spencer asked, "Where am I going to?"

"We're going back home, honey," Veronica spoke with a kindness that stung Spencer's ears for a second. Her parents had always been sticklers about public appearances. She couldn't imagine them being alright with her current situation.

The way her mom was as far away from her dad as humanly possible showed she definitely wasn't any more okay with _his_ situation.

"Home, as in our house, home?" Spencer asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes, honey," Veronica pursed her lips in a uncomfortable manner, turning to the duffel bag on top of the side table that the hospital provided. "I brought you some clothes to change into," She commented, trying to change the subject, pulling out a pair of black leggings and tank top. "Toby, will you help Spencer get dressed? I'm going to go get the car."

Peter cleared his throat, uncomfortable and somewhat shocked that his estranged wife was that comfortable with their daughter's boyfriend. Veronica paid him no mind as she headed towards the exit.

"Mom, wait!" Melissa called, following her. "I'll ride with you."

Veronica shook her head, digging through her purse. "I'm already taking Spencer and Toby-"

"They can ride with Dad, though," Melissa pressed, becoming transparent to any bystander. Melissa wasn't happy she was no longer Mommy's Favorite.

"I'm taking your sister," Veronica's voice dropped to a stern octave.

The look on her mother's face was enough to shut up the young woman, blinking twice. Rejection from her parents was new for her. That was always Spencer's department.

As soon as her family had completely exited to room, Toby smiled softly at her. "Feels good to be the favorite, huh?"

"Yeah, if I didn't just kill our baby, it'd be great," The comment flew off her tongue before she could consider it. Toby's recoiled like he'd been slapped. Instantly, tears rushed back to her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Toby-"

The brief hurt and aggravation was replaced instantly with compassion. "Sweetheart, it's alright," He hushed her, his arms tugging her to his chest. "I'm not mad at you. I could never be angry with you, not right now," His lips danced through her waves of brown hair, pecking any spot he could reach.

"But it's all my fault," Spencer sobbed into his shoulder. "I was so stupid-"

"No, baby," Toby interrupted, gently stroking her back through the hospital gown. "It's not your fault. It's that monster's fault. And I swear to you-" He cut himself off, choking on his own words. "I promise you, I will find this bastard and I will rip them apart and I will make them suffer."

Toby's not so subtle threats only caused Spencer's hyperventilating to grow stronger. "Please, don't do anything reckless," She begged, her face buried in the crook of his neck.

"Hush, baby," Toby whispered, his hand cradling the back of her head. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

X.

Toby carefully helped Spencer out of her hospital gown and into the clothing her mother provided, his movements being as gentle as a cloud. He carried her to the car-against hospital policy-and cradled her in his arms on the ride to her house.

Once at the Hastings House, he immediately passed by Melissa and Peter who managed to get home before them. Hoping to avoid any awkward encounter, anything that would make this any harder, he hurried his steps and got Spencer to her room as soon as he could.

Veronica was just as silent, going to the upstairs bathroom without as much as a word to Peter.

"Mom," Toby heard Melissa say, as he was tucking Spencer in. "Mom, I can help you-"

The water that had been running in the sink magically shut off. "Melissa, if you want to help, stay out of the way."

"But-"

"You make your sister uptight and that is the last thing we need right now." Toby heard no response come from the elder daughter's mouth.

When Spencer's mom came into the room, Toby acted like he'd heard nothing.

"Is she still asleep?" Veronica asked, handing the warm washcloth to Toby.

"Hasn't stirred since we got into the car."

After Toby had carried her to the car, Spencer had curled up in his lap and pressed her face into his neck. The gigantic pit in his stomach was a constant ache but it dimmed the tiniest bit when Spencer relaxed. If she could get peace, if she could have a break, he'd feel better. Her well-being always meant more to him than anything else. It was his first priority.

For the first time, Veronica pestered him with the question that had been eating away in her mind since her daughter had first been admitted. "Who did this to her?" When Toby didn't answer, she spoke again. "I know how she got pregnant, obviously, but I don't understand how she miscarried. The doctor said an assault brought this on."

Instead of telling Veronica about the phone call he'd received from Emily that had explained everything to him, he shrugged and said in the softest voice, "I wish I could tell you, Mrs. Hastings."

X.

After an hour of sitting at her bedside, just clutching her hand and watching her restful features, Toby peeled back the covers and climbed in bed. "Toby," Spencer whispered, snuggling into his chest.

"Shhh," He hushed her, soothingly, cradling the back of her head. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart."

He just wanted her to go to sleep, to gather as much rest as she could before waking up and dealing with this living nightmare. -A, the terrorist that had been attacking Spencer for as long as he'd known her, had actually managed to take their sick, twisted game even further.

Toby hadn't felt this helpless and this on fire with rage since he'd been sought out by Mona Vanderwal in Bucks County, informed of the wrong doings to his girlfriend and offered a spot on the wretched team.

He was going to put an end to this misery, if it was the last thing he ever did.

He was going to find a way to stop the ache that had been a constant pain in Spencer's side for two years.

He was determine.

X.

About four hours after Spencer fell unconscious, Toby noticed Peter waltzing into Melissa's old room, with his tail figuratively between his legs. Apparently he'd given up on getting his soon-to-be ex-wife to forgive him. At least for tonight.

Melissa had long ago gone out to the barn for the night and Veronica hadn't checked in on her daughter for hours.

And the Hastings Family tradition of avoiding each other in a crisis lives on.

Running his hands along Spencer's back, he kissed the top of her head. She'd fallen asleep but she had been far from restful. The hours that proceeded had included tossing and turning and violent crying, even in her sleep.

Toby had tried in vain to make her feel better, to provide her with some comfort. Currently, he had her cradled in his arms, pressing kisses to different parts of her face constantly. "I love you," He whispered against her angel soft skin for the thousandth time. "I love you and I am so sorry this happened to you."

To her. To him. The life that was growing in her stomach was half of each. It bound them together even tighter, tugged on the already rock hard knot that had been tied since Spencer had first turned around at the Founder's Festival and walked straight into his arms.

"Toby," Spencer murmured, her face buried in his shoulder, her legs wound tightly around his waist, which seemed impossible considering they were lying down.

"Shh, go back to sleep," Toby wanted to add _for your benefit just as much as mine._ He couldn't sleep, hadn't even bothered trying, but when she slept it felt like part of the weight, the boulder pinned to his chest, was lifted. Spencer getting any peace away from this living nightmare was all he could hope for now. All he cared about was her well-being.

She made a noise that sounded between a cry and a groan. "Toby, I'm sorry," She whispered, so quiet he barely heard it. It took him minutes to convince himself it wasn't his mind playing tricks on him.

This apology was different from the ones at the hospital-the heart-wrenching apologies that could bring him to his knees just thinking about them. No this was a shameful, pitiful, devastated, helpless apology. All things Spencer had never been and never should be.

"Baby, look at me," Toby ordered gently, his tone firm. Hesitantly, she met his gaze. "Don't ever apologize for something that wasn't your fault. Do not ever think I or anyone else blames you for this. This," He touched her stomach gently. "is not your fault. There is nothing you could have changed."

At his words, her eyes filled back up with tears. "But it _feels_ like it's my fault."

"It isn't," He leaned over to kiss her forehead, his lips lingering there. "I promise."

"Why aren't you mad at me?" She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Spencer-" He was about to argue again but she cut him off.

"I mean, for the lying."

Toby fell silent, his hand rubbing her back, his lips lost in her hair now, her head now in his chest. "Doesn't matter now," He whispered gently. "All that matters to me is your happiness and how you feel."

Spencer swallowed hard. "I feel scared."

Toby felt a tear roll down his face. Spencer never admitted to being afraid, ever. She was easily the most headstrong, stubborn person he'd ever met. He rarely could get any admittance to weakness or vulnerability out of her. Now she just owned up to it?

"It's okay, baby. I'll protect you," He whispered, dropping another kiss to her hairline. Only after the words were out of his mouth did he realize that she did not hear those words often.

Why does Spencer always feel the need to be strong? Did anyone else offer her this kind of comfort? She took care of all four girls, who though well meaning, dumped majority of their problems on her. She took care of him, whenever, however, he needed it. Who took care of her? Who let her break down? Suddenly, Toby's arms began to tighten around his fragile little brunette. He had to offer her what no one else did.

A safe place to land.

"It's okay to be afraid right now, Spence. It's okay to feel weak and powerless and frightened. I won't let anything hurt you again. I'm here now and nothing can take me away."

A sob followed his words. "Toby," She cried.

"Shhh, you're going to be okay, Spencer."

"How do you know?" She questioned, tearfully. More vulnerable than he'd ever seen her.

"Because I know you. I know the strength you have inside of you. I know how resilient you are. I know how you will only be stronger for this in the end." Spencer bit her lip, not responding to his words. She didn't feel so strong right now. "And, until then, until you have your strength and your fight and your fire back," He continued in a softer whisper. "You have me. I'm here for you, I will _always_ be here for you, forever, every step of the way. No matter what happens."

The moisture in Spencer's eyes was no longer about what she'd lost but about what she had right next to her. "I love you so much."

Toby chuckled heartily. "Oh, Spence, I wanted to say that first."


	6. Everything I'm Not

**AN: So I'm exhausted and was supposed to be asleep like two hours ago but I couldn't stand not getting this out as soon as possible so here.**

**It's probably filled with errors. Bear with me. **  
><strong>And I got the request a while ago so it's set after 5x04, I think.<strong>

**And yeah, it's freaking long. Be excited about that. **

**Prompt:**_** Alison makes Spencer jealous in regards to Toby. **_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my story.**

Spencer's entire life seemed to be a series of very delicate life lessons sometimes. From her mom, she'd learned to never show weakness, that it was never alright to cower in the face of a struggle, no matter how large or much she wanted to and to never expect to be coddled. Her father had taught her, through example, that appearance is always first priority, what others think of you matters more than what you think of yourself and pretty lies are always better than ugly truths. From her sister, she learned that winning means more than loving and happiness is how many awards you've received, how many plaques have your name on them and who is bragged about at the club.

She had learned a long time ago that she would never be the Golden Child. She'd never measure up, no matter how many pills she popped, no matter how many extra hours she worked, no matter what smile she plastered onto her blemish-less complexion, no matter how much she wanted and dreamed and craved to be perfect, she'd learned that it wasn't her and it would be never be her.

Alison had taught Spencer a long time ago that she'd always be in someone's shadow. She would never be anyone's number one.

Except Toby's. Always would she be his first priority, his love, his life, his _family_. He was the silver lining, the one decent thing in a black cloud of a life, the only treasure she'd ever captured, the only good thing in her world.

But Spencer had learned a long time ago, that the good in life will never last.

Whatever you choose to lean on will fall under your weight.

This concept was never as crystal clear as it was inside The Hastings' Lake-house one night with the girls. It was stormy, it was cold and it was scary. Earlier that day the girls had decided to take a break from chasing -A for five minutes to come out here, to the Hastings' private residence, to relax and remember why exactly they'd all become friends in the first place. As the day wore on, the storm began to hit, slowly at first then all at once and not one of the girls wanted to rough a drive back to Rosewood or risk one of their loved ones driving on the slippery pavements to get them.

So the five girls continued their bonding inside the lake-house.

"You go next, Aria," Emily urged, as the girls hit their third round in the game of Truth. Truth, an ironic game for these girls to be playing, was alternate version of a Truth or Dare, without the latter. The girls hadn't played it since before Ali went missing, when it became crystal clear what truth she had not been telling.

The game, though seemingly harmless, did have some hurtful qualities.

"Alright, Spence," Aria directed, apparently already given her question some thought beforehand. "Who is one person who you wished you could have met?"

The question, though simple enough, brought out an answer none of the girls expected. They all thought she'd say something like Cleopatra, George Washington, Mary, Queen of Scotts, or someone else that you'd probably only hear about in a history class. The answer none anticipated was, "Toby's mom, Marion Cavanaugh."

A silence fell over the room as each girl's face-even Alison's-became ashen.

Finally Emily broke it. "She was really sweet," She stated, looking at her drink, swishing it around with her finger. "I remember she used to bring Toby out these Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes, with chocolate syrup and sprinkles and whipped cream and she would let him eat them in the front yard, under the sun. And when it snowed, she was the first one outside, building a snowman. She used to have these competitions with Toby, who could build a bigger snowman, with carrots and tall hats and scarfs. And she'd always prepare for the bake sales, like, weeks in advance. She would read to him too, on the porch, even when he was way too old to be read to. And I remember seeing them at church, on Christmas and Easter. She was always really dedicated to God." Emily's rant sparked the interest in all four girls, not just Spencer. They all appeared to be awed into complete silence.

Hanna spoke next. "Yeah, I remember this school play we did… ." She squinted as if it would help her remember. "Toby wasn't in it but she still wanted to help… We might have been nine but I remember her building decorations and helping kids memorize their lines and telling us how good we were and how talented we were… which was a complete lie because we were _nine_."

They all laughed together, quietly and in harmony. Spencer racked her brain for a scratchy memory, something she might have of Marion Cavanaugh that she didn't know she remembered.

She could remember being five and seeing a boy that looked a lot like Toby holding a woman's hand on the way to class. It was her first day of kindergarten and she was petrified. She wanted to cry her eyes out and beg to go home. But when she grabbed her mom's hand, whispering she was scared, Veronica swatted her backwards, saying "You're not a baby and I'm doing dealing with it, Spencer. Be a grown up and march into that classroom like you own the place."

Spencer remembered the boy holding his mom's hand had went into the classroom across the hall, a first grade class. When he got there though, he clung to his mother's leg, begging her to stay and when she couldn't, he burst into tears. Spencer remembered how jealous she'd been, how she wished she could cry and hang onto her mother. But when she mentioned this incident to her mom later, at first she got yelled at for interrupting an important call and then Veronica later said, it wouldn't help the boy in the long run and she didn't want to hear any more about it.

Spencer wasn't even sure that boy was Toby. It might just look like him in her memories, because she _wants_ it to be him. She wants to have a memory of Toby and his mother, something to grab onto.

Honestly though, Spencer's clearest memory of Marion Cavanaugh was her funeral. The whole town had gone. Marion had been a nurse at the local hospital and everyone who knew her said she was a sweetheart. Spencer remembered the black dress she wore that Alison picked out, just like she'd picked all the other girls' outfits, stating she wanted them all to look their best for any occasion. Spencer had been crowded into a row with the other four girls, her parents, Melissa and Ian. The other girls' parents and Mike all sat in the rows before and after them.

When the service started, Spencer remembered Daniel Cavanaugh gulping before squeezing his eyes shut. He had his hand clasped around a boy, about a year older than Spencer. The boy wore mismatched clothes, slightly inappropriate for a funeral. As the pastor spoke, Daniel got more and more emotional, squeezing his son tighter and tighter to him, not that anyone faulted him.

When it was time to make speeches, Daniel's hands visibly shook throughout his speech, his face pink and wet. But he pulled through it, even if his voice broke more times than Spencer could count. Spencer remembered what happened next, as it played in her mind the entire allotment of time she believed Toby to be a creep and a pervert. A young Toby walked up to the stage as his dad walked off, with his nose red and runny and his face soaked with tears. His carried a crumpled piece of paper in his hands and placed it on the pedestal, quickly starting to speak. His words were hard to understand, as his already scratchy voice, thanks to puberty, was now breaking at the end of every sentence. Halfway through, he stopped, shook his head and ran off stage and into his father's arms.

The service ended fairly quickly after that and Toby was nowhere to be seen. On the way out, Spencer heard one of her parents' country club cronies telling her mom that Daniel had taken him to lie down in some secluded room.

As surprising as it seemed now, at the time Daniel Cavanaugh seemed like a good father.

Spencer apparently was lost in thought longer than she realized as the next thing she registered was Aria waving her hand in front of Spencer's face. "Spence?" She called. "Earth to Spencer?"

"Maybe she's had too much," Hanna teased, grabbing Spencer's cup from her hands.

Spencer batted her hands away, moving her cup out of reach. "I'm fine!" Spencer defended, laughing, which was really not helping her case. "I was just thinking about Marion's funeral."

The momentary lightness disappeared. "Did anyone even know she was depressed beforehand, before she … ." Aria asked, quietly, her eyes cutting to Spencer.

"I think the hospital knew," Emily shrugged. "But she kind of fell out with her friends… I guess that should have been a sign."

Alison, for the first time since they started on the topic of Toby's mom, spoke. "Well, she became pretty useless before she went to stay in Radley."

Everyone turned to Ali, their mouth hung open by the offhanded comment. "What's that supposed to mean?" Spencer snapped, her hands tightening on her cup.

Alison shrugged, rolling her eyes slightly. "I just mean that she skipped work all the time and didn't go out a lot so people probably didn't know something was even wrong with her. Probably thought she was just getting lazy," She mumbled to herself, as if it were her own inside joke.

Ali's comments were insensitive but not all together rude. But something about the way she spoke with such conviction, like she knew Marion Cavanaugh personally, like they were lunch buddies or country club pals, really pissed Spencer off.

"And how would _you_ know that she didn't go to work or didn't see her friends?" Spencer asked, her eyes narrowing.

Alison's expression quickly contorted into one that matched Spencer's. "Because I was over at her house around the time she got depressed. A lot."

Spencer's face changed, like she'd been shocked. "_You_?" She exclaimed in disbelief. "You?" She repeated again.

"Yes, me, you idiot," Ali snapped. "I was friends with Toby Cavanaugh long before you started boning him."

Her rude comment didn't even register with the brunette, shock wearing too hard on her brain.

"You don't have to be rude," Hanna snapped in Spencer's defense. Apparently the comment didn't go clear over her head. "It's not like you made your friendship with him so clear. For as long as I can remember you've been calling him Creepy Cavanaugh."

Alison shrugged. "It was before all that… ." Her expression turned uncomfortable for a slight second and if someone hadn't spent all of junior high being her best friend, they probably wouldn't even notice. Her eyes shifted to Spencer for a second, taking in her face. Spencer's features were contorted with badly concealed anger, shock, confusion and something else. Jealousy?

The people Alison loved to mess with most was her friends. She loved to get under their skin whenever she could, make them feel just a little bit smaller than her, make sure she was the only voice they heard. This had become harder since she'd come back to Rosewood. Her friends somehow sprouted their own set of wings and taught themselves to fly without her.

Her intentions weren't exactly cruel. She didn't want them to hate themselves or each other. She just wanted them to love her more, to admire her more, to listen to only her.

Alison took whatever she could get nowadays, especially from her skinny brunette friend, who was always the hardest to crack. Nothing felt better, as much as even she hated to admit it, than making Spencer Hastings, type A, rich, confident, smart, poised crack like a broken egg shell.

"Toby had this huge crush on me back when we were younger," Ali said, breaking the silence.

"What?" Emily exclaimed. She'd been acquaintances with Toby before she'd been recruited as one of Alison's posse.

"He used to draw me these pictures with little notes and he'd leave them in my locker. They were these beautiful little cartoon sketches, of like nature and animals and of _me_," She emphasized, looking discretely towards Spencer, "like the pencil work was beautiful, like so precise. I actually thought he'd become a professional artist one day," Alison leaned back to fan herself, acting cavalier.

"Yeah," Em added after a minute. "I remember seeing his notebook for the first time in chemistry. He is really talented. In fact," She pulled out her cell phone, scrolling through the photos. "He made me this," She popped up a picture of a CD case cover with a drawing of a girl on it.

Spencer looked between Emily and Alison, unsure of what to say. Toby hadn't really ever been too forthcoming with his artistic talent and she'd never given much thought to it ever being a profession for him. Outside of the Valentine's Day card he'd made her, he'd never given her anything he'd made without carpentry. In fact, if she hadn't seen Emily's cover art to her CD, she'd never known he even _could_ draw.

"He's good," Aria noted, breaking her focus from the cell phone Emily was still holding. Her eyes fell on Spencer, almost asking a silent question. Didn't she know this? She talked about Toby so much-probably to Aria more than any of the other girls-why hadn't she mentioned this before?

"Yeah, he used to talk all the time about this art school on the west coast he wanted to go to," Alison added, smiling slightly. Or was that a smirk playing across her face? Spencer really couldn't tell if it were reality or her mind playing tricks on her.

"Too bad you ruined that for him," Hanna cut in, her smirk more obvious than Alison's. "You know, when you got him sent to reform school?" Hanna's anger against Alison clearly went deeper than any of the girls knew but, at least for the moment, Spencer wanted to hug her usually bubbly, blonde friend for shutting Ali up.

"Yeah," Emily said awkwardly after a moment of silence. "He was still drawing the same picture he's been working on for weeks when I stopped by his loft the other day. I guess he doesn't have as much time as he used to."

The longer the conversation carried on, the more Spencer began feeling like the world's worst girlfriend. She didn't know he wanted to be a professional artist, she didn't even really know he could draw well or that this was a hobby he often would engage in.

What made her feel worse though, was the fact that he hadn't shared this with _her_. He'd clearly shared this with Ali, of all people. He'd drawn pictures for Ali, drawn pictures _of_ Ali.

Spencer knew jealousy was an ugly green monster. Her parents used to call her out on it as a child.

_"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and work as hard as your sister!"_

_"Clap louder for her. I know you wish that were you but that doesn't mean you can take that out on her."_

_"Why do you want to be Melissa so badly?"_

_"Don't be like that, Spencer. Stop being jealous of your sister. Do you understand how hard she's worked for everything she's accomplished?"_

But, as much as she told herself to knock it off, she couldn't shake the feeling from her system. Alison's words rang through her head._ "He used to have a huge crush on me when we were younger."_

He'd had a crush on Ali? How? When? Why? Suddenly these questions started flying out of her mouth, desperate for details, desperate for something to ease her mind.

Toby was the only thing she could count on, even more than the girls. She had Toby, _always_. He was the one person she was sure that would put her first, above everyone else.

The idea that he was just another thing that Alison had done first, like a hand-me-down toy, made her skin crawl.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alison asked, her smile growing as she looked at the brunette, who had started speaking without realizing it.

It took Spencer a few seconds to make the words form and vocalize coherently. "When did Toby have a crush on you?"

Alison shrugged her shoulders, like she wasn't loving every second of this conversation. "I don't know… . Maybe, like sixth grade."

Spencer sighed and relaxed a little. Clearly this wasn't a serious affair. "Oh," She nodded, trying to not let her relief show.

But then Hanna had to speak. "Let me guess, you and him hooked up, just like you and Ian and you and Ezra and you and half the town-"

"Hanna!" Emily cut off, her eyes wide. She was so oblivious to the games Alison played, it almost made Spencer want to smack her.

She knew that if she was starting to turn to violence, Ali had won. She knew Ali was trying to get to her, make her squirm, make her crumble.

But it didn't make a difference if it was all true.

It was make sense, in a bizarre sort of way, that of all the things to come out of Alison's mouth, this was the one thing she wasn't lying about. That was the universe Spencer knew. She'd allowed herself to believe Toby was the one thing untainted, completely pure in her life, despite all the -A trouble and lying and manipulation from her so called best friend.

_Hope breeds eternal misery._

"No," Alison replied to Hanna, unfazed by the slut implications. "We just fooled around on his bed a little."

For a second, Spencer's drink started to come backwards up her stomach. "You what!" She choked out, in between coughs.

Alison giggled at Spencer's reaction. "Calm down, Spence. He barely felt me up. We were only twelve."

Aria, who was rubbing Spencer's leg as she coughed a little more, kicked Alison in the shin. "Are you trying to upset her?" She snapped.

"What's with the anger, guys?" Alison asked coolly. "I'm just sharing. I thought that's what friends did."

All the girls this time rolled their eyes. They could have used Alison's sharing before she dropped off the face of the earth and left them to deal with -A.

Emily, who'd taken on the role of placater, spoke. "Well, maybe we-"

"I'm sorry," Spencer cut in when she could breathe clearly again. "I'm sorry, you fooled around on Toby's bed?" She accused, like it was a dirty sin.

Alison smirked a little. "When his parents weren't home."

Spencer's eyes widen as she shoved her drink straight down her throat. She was going to get answers and she wasn't sure she could handle them sober. She knew maybe this was irrational. Toby was still with her and he loved her. It's not like Alison was telling her he'd been cheating.

But it disturbed her.

Spencer never counted Jenna as a past romance. Toby had no say in that whatsoever, therefore that did not count.

She'd secretly been proud to be his one and only. His first and his last.

Even without sex, Toby kissing Alison, Toby touching Alison like that made her head want to explode.

He was _her_'_s_, not Alison's.

And it wasn't even like this was just some girl when he was twelve. That alone may make her a little sad to know she wasn't his first real everything. But this was the girl who spent the majority of her adolescence making Spencer feel inferior. Mental scars still stung the back of her mind. Times when Alison told her that top made her look bad, her chest was way too small to be noticeable, her hair was too curly to be attractive, her sister was clearly better at sports, her parents must be disappointed in a daughter like her. The time when Alison refused to let her sit next to them in the lunchroom and when Spencer argued with her, she shoved her plate of mashed potatoes and gravy on Spencer. The time when Alison tripped her in gym class and then got everyone laughing at her. The time when Alison started the rumor that Spencer taped her bra and that's why she had no boobs. The time when Alison backed her into a corner and then loudly said, in front of the entire Girls Locker Room, that Spencer was too ugly for anyone to ever want to date. She even made up a chant for the Girls Locker Room to say. It carried on for weeks, carrying to the boys and upperclassmen. _"What's gawky, flat and hideous? Spencer Hastings!"_

The idea that Toby could have been attracted to someone who caused her such pain, even if she remained her best friend, made Spencer's stomach churn.

Unwisely, Spencer refilled her cup and took another swig. "What do you mean, he felt you up?" She challenged Alison, raising one eyebrow.

Alison narrowed her eyes to slits, "He felt my boobs, Spencer. What do you think?"

"I'm just saying," Spencer snapped, "He didn't do that with me until we had been dating for a while. And _we_ weren't twelve."

"Maybe he respected you more," Hanna threw in snidely, clearly on Spencer's side.

"Or maybe he just knew there was nothing to feel up on you," Alison stated, looking Spencer up and down knowingly.

The problem with Ali is she never stated anything as an opinion. Everything she said was fact. If she thought something was ugly, she never said "I think that's hideous." She clearly and confidently stated, "That's the most hideous thing ever to grace this planet."

There was no room to disagree with Alison.

Before anyone else could say anything, Alison continued. "Anyway, before Spencer got jealous," She smirked at her, condescendingly, like she was a petulant child. "The point was, one day me and Toby were making out on his bed-his room was so cute, all soft and when you closed the curtains, the sunlight would barely peak in and leave this warm feeling. It's too bad you never saw that, Spencer," Ali kept her eyes on her, throwing a fake smile in her direction. "Anyway, his mom came in. She was so sweet but she had this way about her, like you could just tell she wasn't happy, you know? And so, Toby, me and her had a long talk. She was so sweet. A couple days later, she even told me that I was exactly the kind of girl who she hoped he'd meet one day."

Another thing about Ali, was that when she told a story and when she told a lie, her expression and tone were identical. There were no giveaways to her. She said everything with perfect clarity, like it just yesterday it happened.

And as much as Spencer wanted to believe Alison was just saying this because she knew it'd get to her, she couldn't be sure and it was tearing her up inside.

One final question fell from her lips, unsure if she even wanted an answer anymore. "Did you ask him to draw you pictures or did he do it to get your attention because-" She struggled with saying the words, something she didn't ordinarily let others so plainly see. "Because he liked you?"

Alison cocked one eyebrow up now, challenging Spencer. "What do you think, sweetie?"

That answer enough for Spencer to guzzle the rest of her drink and reach for another.

"He approached you?" Hanna asked, incredulous, clearly challenging her. "Toby Cavanaugh? Shy boy? I didn't know he spoke in full sentences until Spence and him were basically together."

"He is shy, Hanna," Alison's voice was sharp as iron. "That's why no one knew about our thing. And he didn't approach me in person."

"How did he then?" Emily asked, clearly confused.

"I told you guys, he left notes in my locker."

"I thought he left drawing in your locker," Spencer pressed, her eyes narrow.

Alison turned directly to her, clearly appreciating how blatantly she was getting to her. "They had notes on them. He said things like, 'you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen', 'you're the prettiest girl in this school', 'drawing you is my favorite past time'," She smirked again, this time bigger. "You know, stuff like that."

Spencer shut her eyes and gulped her drink. Alison's words were exactly what she didn't want to hear. Because when he wrote that, it means he saw Alison with Spencer and the rest of the girls and if he could have chosen, he would have chosen Alison.

He would have picked Alison over Spencer, just like everyone else.

He was the only person who ever truly made her feel like she was number one and he would have chosen the person who made her feel worthless over her.

That hit her harder than a bullet ever could have.

Alison knew that.

That's why she said it.

X.

It wasn't much later that the rain cleared up and then the roads were clear to drive.

The second she could, Spencer got out of the lake house and jumped into the car, picking the seat furthest away from Alison.

The ride home was quiet-and bumpy, making Spencer regret drinking so much. The other girls must have noticed that Spencer wasn't in the mood to talk as they gave her a wide berth and left her alone the entire ride.

None of the girls seemed overly shocked when Spencer flung herself from the car as it came to a halt in front of Alison's house.

"Spence, I can drive the rest of the way to your house," Emily offered.

"No, I'm fine," Spencer stumbled her way up the road towards her gated driveway.

"Spencer, you can just stay at my house tonight," Hanna offered sympathetically. Hanna seemed to be the most in tune to Spencer tonight.

"I'm just going to crash," Spencer stated quickly, trying to brush her best friend off. "I'm alright, really," She promised as Hanna climbed out of the car.

"Call me if you need anything," Hanna offered, hugging Spencer.

"Yeah, same here," Aria chimed in. "SOS, okay."

Quietly, so no one else could hear, Hanna whispered in her ear, "Do not let Alison get to you. That's what she wants."

As Spencer nodded and pulled away, she noticed Alison still by the edge of the car's bumper, her face looking more furious than ever.

She didn't like that her posse clearly were closer to each other than they were to her.

It gave Spencer more satisfaction than it should to know she felt excluded.

X.

That night, lying in bed, after stumbling into her living room, walking unsteadily as the alcohol was still in her system and realizing her parents weren't home, she went over her day again and again.

Every time she got to Alison's story, a new thought would enter her mind.

Why did he decide to draw pictures for Ali and leave her love notes? He must have found other girls pretty. Why didn't he draw them? Did he see the same thing every guy apparently saw when they looked at Alison? Did he still, even after all she did to him? Did he look at her and think she was prettier, smarter, more put together, funnier, sexier than Spencer?

Did Toby sing that chant with everyone else? _"What's gawky, flat and hideous? Spencer Hastings!"_

Did his mom really think Alison was exactly what she wanted for Toby?

Spencer felt angry tears spilling out of her eyes as she realized that Alison had met-and apparently got along really well with-Marion Cavanaugh, the most important person in Toby's life and the one person Spencer could never meet.

She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't take this ripping feeling inside her chest or the feeling in her throat like she might puke at any given second-but that could be the alcohol-or the tension headache building in her forehead or overwhelming sense to just cry her eyes out.

_"Crying won't do you any good,"_ her father's voice rang out in her mind. _"You have to address and diminish the problem."_

Squeezing her eyes shut, Spencer realized that maybe that's exactly what she should do.

Address and diminish the problem.

She had to go to the source.

Only this time, not Alison-definitely not Alison.

Toby.

X.

The thunder and lightning rainstorm had started up again sometime after she arrived home but Spencer didn't let that slow her down. She didn't want to lose her nerve by turning around and going back inside. She was going to have a hard enough time asking Toby, "Remember when your mom was alive and before Jenna and then me and my friends ruined everything for you? Yeah, well, did you ever go to third base with Alison?"

Spencer realized her predicament when she got to her garage and remembered her parents had given her car to Melissa for the week as she had no way to get around Philly while her's was the shop.

Golden Child trumps, always.

For some reason this realization didn't slow her down, it made her more determined. She needed to see Toby, to clear her head of this incredible doubt that she'd been plagued with since Alison had first opened her mouth at the lake house.

Instead of calling a cab though-especially at this hour-Spencer decided to rough it in the rain. Toby's loft wasn't that far and the rain wasn't too heavy yet.

Oh, how wrong she'd been.

The rain seemed to be coming down faster each second, each drop hitting her harder than the last. In her haste and blind determination, she'd forgotten a jacket and, stupidly, didn't think about it until she was always three blocks away from her house.

Tempted to just drop it and go home, Spencer realized she was probably closer to Toby's than she was to her own place and tried to push through the blanket of icy cold water, chilling wind and loud crackling across the sky.

By the time she got to Toby she barely had the energy to climb the steps to his loft, having to head up the outside entrance.

"Toby," She cried out weakly, banging on the door like a limp animal. "Toby, please open up."

Wrapping her arms around herself, she shivered hard as the wind blew at her, making her now soaking clothes cling to her skin and her dripping hair swish across her shoulders and back.

"Toby, please let me in!" She called louder, hitting the door with all the strength she could muster. When she still faced no reply, she grew desperate. "Toby, please!"

This was feeling eerily familiar. It struck her quickly which night she was reminded of.

The night she'd bawled her eyes out on this exact threshold, crying for Toby, much like right now.

Only this time, before she could reach full hysteria, the door swung open to reveal a sleepy, disheveled Toby, clad in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

"Spencer?" He squinted at her in disbelief, not fully awake yet. "Spence, what are you doing out here?" Before she could answer, he looked at the clock on the wall by the door. "Do you know what time it is?"

Realizing she didn't, Spencer just shook her head, unsure of what to say, her chilliness now taking a backseat to her awkwardness.

Toby's vision must have suddenly clarified or he shook the sleep out of his brain because his eyes widened as he looked her over. "Spencer, what's wrong?" He exclaimed, looking at her dripping wet clothes-or lack thereof-and hair. "Why are you-"

Before he could continue, Spencer's alcohol filled stomach chose now to betray her and she struggled to puke only on the outside steps, not in the doorway.

Instantly, Toby dropped to his knees next to where she'd hunched and pulled her soaking wet hair back from her face.

She was a mess. They both knew it.

In the back of Spencer's mind, a little voice said, _even after spending two years on the run, Alison is more put together than you._

X.

Toby seemed to realize Spencer wasn't in the right state of mind to answer his inquiries and he didn't ask again. He pulled her into the loft and walked her to the kitchen, filling up a glass of water for her.

"How long have you been in the rain?" He asked, handing her the water before bringing his hands to her hair and steering her towards the sink.

Spencer shrugged as he tilted her head down and began to wring out her dripping wet brown locks. "I wasn't on your porch long," She quipped quickly, hoping he'd drop it.

Toby's eyes narrowed as he gave her a hard look, releasing her head and placing both hands on her shoulders. "How long were you in the rain, Spence?"

Spencer adverted her eyes before he could see the moisture in them. "I don't know… I walked from my house… I know it was stupid but I-"

Toby cut her off, his tone getting frantic. "Spence, you could have given yourself pneumonia or hypothermia or-"

"I know!" She exclaimed, her teeth chattering.

Toby looked her over once more before dropping his hands from her shoulders. "Go upstairs to my room, alright. I'll go get some towels to dry your hair."

Spencer nodded, still hoping he didn't see the tears that had been building up in her eyes. He must have noticed though because he squeezed her hands gently as she turned to leave. "Okay."

Trailing to his room at a snail's pace, it began to hit her just how ridiculous this whole thing was. Why couldn't she wait for morning to ask him? This was insane, to show up in the middle of the night, soaked to the bone as she walked through a rainstorm, puking on his doorstep.

She just wanted this day to rewind so she could do it all again, not go to the lake house with the girls, not listen to Ali, not let Ali get to her.

Even in her current state, she knew that was impossible. Alison _always_ got to her. She knew where to stick the knife, exactly where it would hurt the most.

She had barely sat down on her bed when Toby walked in carrying a huge, white fluffy towel. "I'm really sorry about all this," She whispered as he set the towel next to her.

Toby looked at her, slightly sardonic for a second. "Spence, there's nothing to be sorry for," His voice was laced with conviction, as if he actually believed this. Before she could argue though, he changed the subject slightly. "Arms up," He commanded.

She obeyed, allowing him to pull her wet shirt up over head, quickly working to peel it from her clammy skin. She removed the rest of her clothes as he bunched up her hair in the towel, pressing it tightly to get all the rain water out.

"Spence," He finally said, his eyes on her hair, not on her face like when he questioned her before. "Why did you walk all the way from your house?"

She shrugged, still shivering. "Melissa has my car," She stated, giving him the easy answer. He nodded, seeming to accept that for the moment at least. "What are you doing?" She asked as he started pulling his shirt over his head. "Toby," She murmured slowly. "I'm too cold right now to do tha-"

He cut her off with a humorless laugh. "The shirt is for you to _wear_, goofball," He rolled his eyes, pulling it clear over her head in one tug.

"Oh," She smiled as she pulled her arms into their holes, embarrassed by where her mind immediately went. He laughed again, this time tugging her backwards to lay horizontal on the bed, pulling her tightly against his now bare chest. "I like this better," She said, immediately sleepy, as she unconsciously traced his six pack.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Toby grabbed her hand, restraining her wrist. "You aren't off the hook yet. I just have enough sense to not play twenty questions when you look like you went through the sprinkler at 3 in the morning." Spencer piped down then, looking everywhere but her boyfriend. "Does this have to do with -A?" He asked.

Spencer shook her head, keeping her eyes on the ceiling, focusing on the little dots. She came to the loft to get answers for herself but now she was here, she was caught between feeling embarrassed for overreacting and waking him up at this ungodly hour and feeling the urge to cry at her own ineptness.

He seemed to realize her silence was a sign of something more and ran his hand down her back gently. "Sweetheart, what is it?" He whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Look at me," He moved his hand to her chin, tilting it up towards him. "You can tell me anything."

Spencer was right. Looking at him made her crack and before she knew it, she was a sobbing, blubbering mess. "Why am I crying?" She exclaimed, more to herself than to him.

His arms, which had constricted themselves around her, cradling her to him, tightened. "Shhh, you know you can always cry in my arms," He whispered into her hair, his arms squeezing her against his chest.

She allowed her face to fall into the crook of his neck. "But this is such a dumb reason! I don't even know why I'm upset!"

Toby just continued to rub her back. "Something that has you this disturbed is obviously not dumb," He murmured. "You walked through the rain at three in the morning, risked getting yourself sick, and you clearly are not going to school in the morning," He pointed out before running his hand through her hair. "Talk to me. You wouldn't do that for nothing."

Spencer shut her eyes, focusing on the smell of his skin to comfort her. "Ali was just talking… ." She trailed off, having no clue how to approach this.

"_Alison_ is what has you this upset?" Toby's voice raised an octave. "Why? Why do you let her get to you, baby?"

"I'm sorry," She cried, burying her face into him again.

Toby sighed, steering both of them into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. "I don't want you to be sorry, Spence. I want you to be _happy_," He emphasized the word. "And Ali makes you the opposite."

Spencer waited for a few minutes for her waterworks to stop. Toby didn't speak again, just sat with her and ran his fingers through her hair, calming her down. Finally, Spencer spoke at last, knowing if she didn't blurt out these words, she'd never say them. "Alison said that you and her kind of… . dated." Alison hadn't said that, but going to third base when you're twelve is enough of an implication.

Toby stiffened for half a second, clearly taken off-guard, before laughing slightly. "Uh, what?"

Spencer continued, hoping to just get it all out there. "She said you had this huge crush on her and you drew her pictures and wrote her notes and told her she was the most beautiful girl in school and you guys went to third base on your bed and-and your mom loved her."

This time Toby unwrapped his arms from around Spencer and leaned back, getting a better view of her face. "And you believed her? Spence, why would you even think that was true?"

Caught between embarrassment for even asking and something close to relief, Spencer was at loss for words. "So this isn't true?"

Toby laughed once, shaking his head before reaching out and pulling her against him tightly, rocking her slightly. "I did have a crush on her," He admitted. "But it wasn't as serious as she apparently made it seem. Or maybe in the last two years it's gotten muddled in her brain. But, yes, I did have a crush on her and she knew it."

Spencer felt a pang of disappointment drop in her gut. She knew most guys like Alison and thought she was oh-so-beautiful but she always wanted to believe Toby was immune. "Oh," Was all she said, nodding against his shoulder.

Toby continued, still holding her tightly. "I think she only paid attention to me though because I used to doodle a lot in class and our lockers were next to each other, so when my notebook fell out and she saw my sketches, she _asked_ me to draw her something."

"She asked?" Spencer's eyes lit up at the possibility. This wasn't so bad. Alison may have gotten Toby to draw her stuff but she had to ask for it. Spencer got him to build her a rocking chair without even mentioning it.

Toby nodded before continuing. "It just kind of went from there," He explained, shrugging. "She liked the first drawing-I don't even know what it was-but then she asked for me to draw _her. _She even handed me a picture of her to look at. And she was the first girl to really pay much attention to me. And she was Alison Dilaurentis. Everyone knew her so I didn't mind that she was a year younger than me. Besides, I like underclassmen," He teased, rubbing his nose against her's, making her giggle despite herself. They hadn't gotten to the worst part yet. The part where Toby and Ali went to third base. Spencer was preparing for the worst. "As for the most beautiful girl in the school comment," He addressed. "That was over texting. Which we did all of four times. And I didn't exactly say it either," He added. "She asked if I thought she was pretty. I said yes. She said prettiest girl in school? And I basically said sure," He shrugged, like it was no big deal.

Spencer still didn't exactly relax but her tone shifted completely. "I'm sorry, she asked if you thought she was pretty? She freaking asked?" She exclaimed, a hysterical laugh falling out of her mouth.

Toby smiled slightly at her change in attitude. "I didn't really know what to say, honestly. It's kind of a weird question but how can you be like 'No, sorry but you're not'."

Spencer still wasn't past this new information. "She always told me I was too desperate and that she would never have to beg for compliments like I did."

Her response caught Toby off-guard. "What? Why would you have to beg for compliments?" He asked, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Spence, why do you let her make you feel like this?"

She hesitated slightly, looking downwards, before changing the subject slightly. "So what else happened between you and her?" She asked, unsure if she even wanted to know the rest anymore. This was good enough. She didn't need to know he felt Alison's boobs and stuck his tongue down her throat. She definitely didn't need to know that Marion saw Alison as a saint.

"I invited her over one day," Toby started, looking down too. This subject had approached a sour memory, she could tell. She knew Toby's expressions by heart and she knew when he really rather not think about something. But of course he did without complaint. For her. "She wasn't there long. We were barely in my room-" This was the part Spencer feared. She felt slightly dizzy even anticipating it but that could of been the alcohol or the cold. "And she said 'I know you wanna kiss me'," Spencer sucked in a breath. "And I leaned in to… … and then my mom walked into the room. She was disorientated and she asked why I was home already. I told her the time and she just… . looked even more confused." This was clearly something he struggled the talk about. Spencer reached out to touch his cheek, completely over her own jealousy and doubt for the moment. He placed his hand over her's before speaking again. "She, uh, she said she was just tired and I remember knowing something was definitely wrong. She'd been off for so long. It started gradual and then one day, everything was completely different and I always thought that if I had noticed quicker-" Spencer cut off his tangent.

"Toby, there was nothing you could have done," She whispered, forcefully, bringing her other hand to his opposite cheek. "You are the best son anyone could ever want. Don't even think you could have stopped what happened."

Toby nodded slowly, clearly not agreeing with her sentiments. "Anyway, I told Ali that I thought something was wrong with my mom, she called her lazy and I told her to get out. Immediately after that she turned on me and… . I became the black cat of Rosewood."

"Oh, Toby," Spencer whispered, drawing him into her arms. "I'm so sorry," She whispered, kissing the side of his neck, repeatedly.

He laughed quietly. "Why? You didn't do anything."

"That's my point! I didn't defend you-" She cut herself off, realizing something.

"Spence, it's not your job to-"

"Wait!" She interrupted. "You and Ali didn't _even_ kiss?"

"No," He confirmed, seeing exactly where her mind was going. "And my mom didn't even register her presence."

Spencer's mouth hung agape. "Then, why-" Once again, she cut herself off, stumbling over her words. "Why did Alison say…"

Toby shook his head, a now bitter-sad smile playing across his lips. "Because," He drew her hand up to his mouth. "She knew you'd have _this_ reaction."

Spencer looked at Toby, now ashamed. "I'm sorry-I'm so sorry, Toby! This was so ridiculous," She exclaimed, jumping up from his bed.

Instantly, he snaked both arms around her waist, tugging her backwards into his lap, keeping her back against his chest. "No, it's not ridiculous, Spencer. You are my entire life. If you're upset or hurting, baby, do not hide that from me. You can come to me at any hour and we'll talk until you feel better," He promised, kissing her temple. The second his lips touched her head, she relaxed completely, sagging into him. "Is there anything else you wanna ask?" He question tiredly, starting to lean both of them back with her still on his lap.

"Why don't you draw for me?" Spencer asked shyly.

Toby's answer was a lot more natural than she expected. "Because every time I try, I tear it up because it's never good enough for you," He explained, touching her cheek tiredly. "Anything else?"

Spencer chewed on her lip, still unsure. "I don't know."

Toby woke up a little more at that. "What would you be afraid to ask me?"

"Did you ever see Ali and me together and think…think she was prettier than me?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the ceiling above them again. It was such a vain question, she felt like some self-absorbed city girl for asking.

Toby's eyes widened. "No!" He answered, a little louder than she expected. "God, no! Spence," He trailed off for a second, looking at bashfully. "That's kind of why I said 'Sure' to her question instead of 'Yes, absolutely'. I _do_ think Ali's pretty." At his words, her stomach dropped, making it hard to breathe. But his next words filled her with love and relief. "But I also thought her brunette friend was a lot more beautiful than she was."

Spencer felt a smile light up her face the size of a small country. "Psssh, I know Emily's pretty, Toby! But, unfortunately for you, you're not really her type," She teased.

He laughed in her ear before mock sighing. "I guess I'll just have to settle for you then-Ow!" He made a big show of rubbing his bicep she'd just smacked.

"Jerk," She said over her shoulder, as she was still lying on top of him, before letting out a loud giggle.

He shook his head, wrapping both arms around her middle. "Is that all you wanted to ask?"

"Uh, do you think you could answer one more?" She asked, her tone sobering up.

"Sure," He kissed her hair again, sweet as cotton candy.

"Did you ever, like," She stopped for a second, trying to phrase this right. "Did you ever hear the stuff Ali would say about us? Her friends, I mean."

"The rumors she spread?"

"Yeah."

Toby rolled his tongue around his cheek for a second. "Sometimes, I guess. They were hard to dodge."

"What ones did you hear?" Spencer asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Toby hesitated. "I heard things like Aria played with voodoo dolls and stuck a pin in one's arm the day Shelly Williams fell in gym and broke her arm in three places." Spencer remembered that one too. It was vicious and completely untrue. "I heard Hanna tried to cannon ball into the pool at the club and sank to the bottom until the lifeguards dragged her out." That rumor was so uncalled for it made her blood boil thinking about it.

Before he could add any more, Spencer cut to the chase. "Toby, did you ever hear one about me?" She asked, sounding blank and defeated. She didn't even want this answer but she felt like she needed it. "Did you ever hear people do this… this really stupid chant? It went like," Unexpectedly, though she should have guessed, Spencer felt herself get choked up when she tried to vocalize the words people used to chant to her. She took a deep breath slowly, feeling Toby's eyes watch her every movement. "Anyway," She started again. "Did you ever hear about people singing it? Did you-did you chant it with the others?"

Toby swallowed hard, his eyes remaining on her face. Finally, he spoke but his voice was different. It wasn't tired or humorous or upbeat or even soft. It was disgusted. "I never heard… . I saw it." At his words, Spencer turned her head in his direction. "I was walking out of science class one day and you were walking up the other direction. You were wearing a red hoodie and your hair was in a half pony tail and you were just walking to your locker and suddenly the two girls next to you started singing this chant. I remember not understanding what they were saying and when I turned to ask someone, it started to get louder and louder and louder, until everyone was singing it and I remember you just … you dropped your backpack and your books and you tried to ran away down the hall but people just kept blocking you in, crowding around you, screaming that stupid chant-"

"What's gawky, flat and hideous!" She chanted for him, knowing she should say it because Toby never would.

"Alison Dilaurentis!" He chanted in the same tone, before she could say her own name. His response got the desired reaction and she laughed, hard. "Anyway, I remember just thinking how wrong it was that she did that to you. I didn't even know you then and I think I was more angry than you."

Instantly, she felt better. He didn't chant it, he wasn't ever under Ali's spell. "I should probably be upset you saw that," Spencer said evenly. "It wasn't my shining moment."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," He whispered firmly in her ear.

Instead of replying, Spencer turned onto her stomach and burrowed into his neck. "Toby," She whispered, cuddling into him as close as she could get.

"Yes," He whispered back, running his hands through her hair again.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He asked softly, muddled where this had come from.

"For being so understanding tonight and … . for never making me feel like I was second to Alison. You're basically the only one I can count on to put me first and," She had to word what she said carefully or else she'd get choked up and cry again. "I'm sorry for tonight, I just-I went crazy when I thought of you liking Alison more than me at any point, even if we weren't together or didn't know-"

He cut off her rant by pressing his lips softly to her's. When he felt like she wasn't going to immediately resume, he pulled back. "First off, you will always be my first priority, my number one, my _everything_," He promised. "Don't ever doubt that. And second," He shook his head, his eyes gazing into her's affectionately. "You have to stop letting Alison make you so crazy. She's just doing it to get to you, Spence. And she's going to win. There's no fighting someone like that. They want to make you feel small so they can feel big and they'll stop at nothing until that happens. Spencer," He cupped her face, making her meet his eyes. "I love you. More than life itself. More than everything in the world combined. And tonight, she made you question that. She convinced you of a complete and utter lie. And you believed her, baby."

"I'm sorry-"

"I'm not saying you should be sorry, Spence. I'm saying that tonight proves that she isn't different. She has not changed. And you need to get away from her because," He stopped, hesitating before blurting out the rest. "I'm scared. She's a great liar-it's creepy how good she is-and she can just fabricate this stuff off the top of her head. I've seen her use this to hurt so many people-myself included-"

"Are you worried she's going to do something to you because I swear if she does-"

"I am worried she'll do something to me," Toby confirmed. "But I'm terrified she'll do something to hurt you. I'm not scared of her for me. I'm scared of her for _you_. I've seen her in action and… I can't watch her hurt you. Not now, not again and again," He gripped her tighter to him, rubbing her back but managing to keep eye contact. "What happened tonight, what happened that day in the hall and all the times in between… . I can't just watch it go on, like it's nothing. It broke my heart when we weren't even friends. How can I stand it now? I can't stand to see you in pain. How can I stand being around her, the person who continuously hurts you over and over again?"

Spencer was silent for a long time after he was done with his rant, nodding against his skin. "I'm not going to be in pain," She finally said. Upon his puzzled expression, she continued. "I'm not. Because I have you. Because, if I'm your number one, then I'll always be okay," She promised. "As long as me and you stick together and we put each other first, she'll never come between us. Her sick games won't work. Not if we're stronger than her. She can throw whatever she wants at me. If I have you, then next time I won't be trying to run down the hall. I'll be running into your arms. As long as I'm your number one."

At her words, Toby's mouth contorted into a grin before he leaned over to press his lips against her forehead, lingering there for a long time. "Always."

She looked up at him from her entanglement, cradled in his arms. "And forever."

"Forever."


	7. Playing House

"You guys sure you got everything?" Caleb asked as Hanna tugged on his jacket from her perch on the outdoor steps. She'd been trying to get him to hurry for the last fifteen minutes.

"Yes, we have everything," Spencer promised as Toby hoisted little Bridget up into his arms.

"Bye!" Bridget called, waving her chubby, little pink hands at her parents.

"Bye, baby girl," Hanna cooed, blowing her three year old a kiss.

The farewell from his daughter only served in making Caleb more frantic about leaving. "Maybe it isn't a good night-"

Before he could continue, both Spencer and Toby-and Hanna-groaned.

"Caleb, you have this problem every time you and Hanna have a date night," Toby reminded. "Bridget is fine. Me and Spence will take great care of her."

"Unless you're saying something about their babysitting skills," Hanna probed, giving her fiancé a pointed look.

"Yeah, Caleb," Spencer chimed in, placing her hands on her hips. "You aren't implying we don't take great care of your little munchkin?" She raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"

Caleb shook his head slowly, a smile fighting its way onto his face. "Okay, fine. You win. We're leaving," He conceded, deadpan.

"Finally!" Hanna cheered, dramatically.

Caleb reached for his daughter one more time. "I love you, Bridgey," He whispered, kissing her baby soft face.

"Daddy," She scolded, frowning. "My name is Bridget, spelled B-R-I-D-G-E-T, not Bridgey!" As soon as the toddler spoke, Spencer felt three pairs of eyes land on her, fully aware without asking who had taught the little girl such etiquette.

She couldn't hold back the giggle that erupted from her stomach, watching her favorite three year old correct her father. "Sorry," She defended, still laughing, holding her hands up in surrender. "I'm just helping her learn the basic skills of life."

"Cool, why don't you also teach her to not wet the bed?" Caleb suggested, curtly.

Hanna, who'd taken Bridget from Caleb's arms, handed her off to Spencer. "Sometimes I regret making you God-Mother over Emily," She rolled her eyes.

Spencer gaped at her best friend, artificially offended. But before she could retort, little Bridget spoke for her. "But I like Aunt Spencey better than Aunt Emmy," She said plainly, like it was basic knowledge.

Spencer grinned widely at Toby as he and Caleb laughed. "Do you want me to tell Aunt Emmy that?" Hanna asked her little clone.

"I don't care," The little blonde nonchalantly shrugged, before bursting into giggles. Spencer now rolled her eyes in Hanna's direction. Bridget was somehow the spitting image of both Hanna and Caleb at the same time.

After another long goodbye-_again_, mostly from Caleb-Toby closed the door as the couple made their way to their vehicle to hopefully attend their dinner reservations.

"I swear sometimes, Bridget, you're the only one in that house with common sense," Toby said, tickling her tummy.

The little blonde squealed and kicked her way out of Spencer's hold and into Toby's. Spencer may trump Emily but Uncle Toby trumped _all_. "What about Gramma?" Bridget inquired.

Spencer laughed at Toby's expression, which was dumbstruck, knowing the three year old would be repeating this information, verbatim-or at least what she retained-later to both her parents and Ashley Marin.

"She doesn't count," Toby placated, tickling the little child under her arms again.

"Stop!" She squealed, kicking her way down to the ground before taking off like a rocket, heading for the kitchen.

Spencer had to laugh, watching Toby chase after their God-Daughter, running around the kitchen island and into the living room, pretending she was faster than him and allowing her to believe the myth that she was winning this race.

It was so easy to look at that sweet little angel and forget the panic that had overpowered all their lives when Hanna first found out she was pregnant.

It had been the end of their senior year. Hanna had showed up to Spencer, short tempered and hysterically on edge, before blurting out that she was expecting. Apparently she and Caleb hadn't been as safe as they'd led on.

Ashley Marin-and Tom, for that matter-were far from happy but the teens' real concern came in the form of a black hoodie under the alias A. Mona had been murdered just mere months before and that had everyone uptight and agitated already, without adding a baby into the mix.

But, fortunately, -A was unmasked and arrested four months into the pregnancy and by the time Hanna's due date rolled around, Ashley had come to terms with their situation and amended that it was not a good idea to have two, unemployed, no income, eighteen year old parents out on their own to supply for a baby. She demanded Hanna go to college and that Caleb seek gainful employment as soon as available and in return, Caleb would be allowed to move in and she'd help raise her grandchild.

Of course, Hanna went into labor exactly when Caleb had barely started his new job and Spencer was the only one with her. It was during a street flooding thunderstorm-go figure-and the power was out. Instead of deciding to rough it on the cold, wet, slippery roads, Spencer opted to stay in the dry cover of the Marin household, telling herself they could just wait it out, until the streets cleared and then they could send an ambulance to come get her. Labor usually took hours upon hours of waiting. They could hope Hanna would take a while.

As always, _hope breeds eternal misery._

Two hours later and Hanna was ready to push. Spencer had called and called Caleb and Ashley and Toby and Emily and Aria and even her own parents, all for help to no avail. Not one answered. Apparently the storm cut the reception too. She called the hospital, only to be told they couldn't help if Hanna wasn't there and Hanna couldn't get there until the storm was over. She called until her battery and Hanna's both ran out. Finally, resigned to the fact that this baby was coming, whether they were ready or not, and by a complete miracle of God, Spencer was able to coach Hanna and deliver the little screaming, pink bundle of joy.

Hanna passed out not long after holding her newborn baby and Spencer spent the duration of the storm-four and a half hours-rocking the baby, cuddling it and checking Hanna's vitals.

Not long after the birth, Hanna pronounced her brainiac best friend God-Mother over little Bridget Elody Rivers. Everyone agreed, still not over how impressed they were by Spencer's courage. Especially Toby, who had been so contrite that he hadn't been there for her in her hour of need. Even Aria and Emily, who Spencer had beaten out for God-Mother, agreed that she had definitely earned the title.

Spencer smirked as Bridget came running straight towards her with open arms. She scooped the little girl off the ground without thinking twice. From the first day of her life, Spencer had a very special connection to the pint sized blonde.

"Base!" Bridget called to Toby, who had been still chasing her.

"That's no fair, Bridge," Toby complained, coming to a standstill.

Spencer gave him a look. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm babysitting two toddlers, instead of one."

Both Toby and Bridget had complaints about that. "Hey!"

"I'm not a toddler! I'm a big girl!"

Spencer's face couldn't help breaking out into a huge grin, staring at the little girl. "Of course, you are!" She cooed, kissing her little blonde head. "And big girls have to eat."

"Ooo, can I have chocolate cake-or a pie-Oh! Do you have white whippy sauce that Daddy sprays on my cupcakes?" Bridget spouted off as Spencer carried her to the dining room table and sat her in a chair. "No, wait! Do you have brownies or a giant muffin from-"

As she continued to list all the sweets she wanted, Toby and Spencer made their way over to the cabinets, trying to find something the picky little princess would like. "I see she got her mother's taste," He murmured in his wife's ear.

Spencer swatted him, playfully. "It's not like Caleb is dishing out fruits and veggies."

Toby chuckled as Bridget explained, very loudly and animated, a chocolate malt she got from the Chubby's Diner in Philly once and a surprise chocolate desert she'd had last week. "I doubt he's the one giving ten pounds of chocolate a day," Toby said wryly.

After another minute of listening to Bridget retell how she had gotten double chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast with chocolate syrup, Spencer caved and laughed. "Okay, fine. You're right. It's Hanna. But we give her lots of candy too," She pointed out.

Toby shrugged, smirking. "Who could say no to that little face?" He asked, motioning towards the three year old, who was still vividly recounting more desert items that she ate in place of an actual meal.

Spencer shook her head, mocking him. "You really are wrapped around her little finger, you know that?"

"No," He grabbed her waist, pulling her over so that the gap between the two of them was non-existent. "I'm wrapped around your finger too."

Spencer smirked, playful again. "Oh, I see," She raised an eyebrow. "How so, exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know," He laughed. "Maybe because I give you exactly what you want, always."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do-"

"Hey!" Bridget yelled over the couples banter. "No one is listening to me!"

"Of course, we were, honey," She placated, lifting the little girl out of the chair. "You were talking about desert," She rubbed her nose against the little girl's. "Speaking of which, why don't you go watch the TV while me and Uncle Toby make you brownies?"

"Can I watch TV and eat my brownies at the same time?" Bridget asked, waving her arms, a little grin coming to her face.

"Yes," Spencer allowed, fighting to roll her eyes. _Hanna's kid._ "But afterwards you need to take your bath and go to bed."

"Will you tuck me in?" She asked, sweetly now, bringing her chubby hand to Spencer's face.

"Yes," Spencer repeated again, knowing where Bridget was headed. "And, Uncle Toby will kiss you goodnight."

To that, the little girl beamed and Spencer _felt_ Toby smirking behind her. "And will you make my brownies with chocolate chips?" Bridget asked, as if realizing she forgot an important detail, her eyes getting bigger.

"Definitely!" Toby promised from his stance, leaning against the counter.

"And white whippy sauce?"

"Would we deprive you of your white whippy sauce?" Toby teased, pretending to be stunned.

"Whipped cream," Spencer corrected, her tone completely serious, looking at both of them. "It's called whipped cream, you guys."

"Whipped cream!" Bridget exclaimed, throwing her hands up in excitement. "Oh! I haveta tell Daddy that!"

Toby pinched Spencer as Bridget kicked her way down, running again, to the living room to watch TV, hearing The Little Mermaid come on.

"Ouch!" Spencer complained, going to kick him in the groin.

"You're turning her into a mini you!"

"Oh, like that's a bad thing."

Toby shook his head, incredulous. "The world can only handle one," He teased, snaking his arms around her waist as she came to stand next to him.

"You really enjoy babysitting Bridget, don't you?" Spencer prodded after a second, looking at him.

Toby shrugged, squeezing her tighter to him, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I feel it's our duty as God-Parents," He kept his tone light.

"I'm serious, Toby," Spencer pulled back, looking him square in the eye for a few moments. "You really like being around kids. It's like you're in your element."

It was true, though Toby had always been a little more introverted than most, he had somehow found a certain bliss in playing with a child. Bridget yelling his name and running into his arms was one of his favorite things in the world. The way the little girl adored him made him feel like he was a better man, a better person than the boy who had once hid in an ally after two brothers crossed the street upon seeing him, a better person than the teen who had _Killer_ sprayed across his locker door, more like the person Spencer always treated him as.

Toby shrugged, nonchalant though. "Yeah, I like being with kids. Big deal?"

"It's just… ." Spencer trailed off, trying to phrase her words right. "It's so great to see you so happy and to see how happy you make Bridget but… . I just, I don't know if I could ever … if we could ever-"

Toby cut off her rambling. "Spence," He moved his hands to her face, cupping it. "I know how scared you are about having kids. We already agreed we'd revisit the subject when you graduated." Spencer had decided, after the hell she had for a high school experience, to attend Hollis instead of trying for the Ivy Leagues.

Toby was the only person who knew how much anxiety she still carried with her, even after all was said and done with -A. He was the only person she could turn to in the dark hours when she was held captive to a panic attack or to the nights that she couldn't sleep and could only stare up at the ceiling, worried about every bad scenario that could possibly take place in the hours she was unconscious. He was the only person she trusted to see her like that, torn down to a mess of tears and loud sobs, muffled against his t-shirt. She needed to stay in Rosewood because she needed him and-unfortunately-his job was at the local police department.

Spencer had once confided that she had changed her stance on child. Originally she said she wanted one child. Now-even after Bridget-Spencer wasn't sure she could handle even that. She still felt out of control and in a panic so much of the time. How could she possibly handle another life, depending one hundred percent on her? Spencer loved little Bridget so much but at the end of the day, she got to hand her back to Hanna and Caleb and wish her a goodnight.

Toby tugged Spencer into his arms, drawing her head under his chin. "Spence," He breathed into her hair, trying to soothe her.

"Do you really think I'd make a good mom?" Spencer whispered, her face pressed into his shoulder.

Without missing a beat, he whispered back, "I know you'd be."

X.

After the brownies were made-exactly to Bridget's meticulous liking-Spencer and Toby joined the little girl on the couch.

"Can I have another?" Bridget asked, as the movie was nearing to an end, her little voice starting to grow sleepy.

"No, baby," Spencer shook her head softly. "You need to get ready for bed," She stated, pulling the toddler into her arms.

Spencer knew just by the fact that the little girl didn't fight her that she was getting really lethargic.

"I don't think she's going to stay awake for the bath," Toby laughed, turning the television off.

"If she accidentally drowns, you're telling Hanna and Caleb," Spencer called over her shoulder as she carried the little girl to the bathroom.

Spencer made quick work, getting her into the tub and hurrying to wash her hair before she got too relaxed. For the most part, all seemed to be going well. The toddler seemed fairly calm and content to sit still. But Spencer had done this enough times to know the signs of Bridget getting fussy and she knew the second the little girl shoved her hands away, a tantrum was coming on.

"Bridget, please," Spencer hushed as Bridget squealed, a loud, piercing sound ejecting from her mouth, her hands splashing the water around her. Spencer knew from past experience that when Bridget got like this, it was time to put her to bed. Spencer was God-Mother, not _Fairy_ God Mother.

Quickly grabbing the cup and rinsing the baby blonde off, Spencer reached for the towel on the ground next to her and wrapped the toddler up in it. "Shhh," She hushed as the little girl buried her face into Spencer neck. "It's alright," She murmured, stepping out into the hallway, still carrying the towel clad toddler.

Toby seemed to hear the commotion and was standing outside the door. He too had had his fair share of Bratty-Bridget moments. Spencer pressed her finger to her lips as the little girl had gone from a demon to an angel in a split second and had her head resting on Spencer's neck now.

Toby nodded in understanding and headed into the bathroom to clean up whatever mess Bridget had created.

"Thank you," Spencer whispered to him, though he probably barely heard it.

Carrying Bridget into her and Toby's room, Spencer quickly helped the little girl into her night clothes and dried her hair as thoroughly as possible, being gentle as the Hanna-like child was already dead on her feet.

Finally, feeling about as tired as Bridget, Spencer tugged the little girl under the covers, tucking them around her.

She was so exhausted, she didn't even ask about Uncle Toby kissing her goodnight. "Goodnight, Baby-Bridget," Spencer whispered, kissing the little child's forehead, using Aria's popular nickname for the child who'd captured all their hearts.

Believing she was long asleep, Spencer turned for the door, heading to help Toby clean up the bathroom. But as she turned to leave, the little girl gripped Spencer's hand. "No," She whispered, her lisp even more pronounced than when she was fully awake. "Stay," She tugged on her hand.

Without needing to be asked twice, Spencer laid down next to Bridget, falling asleep almost as fast as the three year old.

X.

Spencer didn't know how long she was asleep but sometime later a hand slipped up the back of her shirt, gently rubbing circles on her back with his fingertips. "Shhh," He whispered, kissing her shoulder softly.

"Toby," She whispered, mostly for the benefit of the little girl on her other side.

She expected him to be as tired as she was but instead of lazily tucking himself into her back, he spoke quietly in her ear. "I know you think you'd be a terrible mother but I watched you tonight with Bridget. She had a tantrum and you handled it effortlessly. I wouldn't have known what to do. Emily wouldn't have known. Aria wouldn't have known-and she's been trying to get pregnant for two months. No one besides Hanna and Caleb would have known exactly how to handle it. Except for you."

"Toby," Spencer shook her head, almost rejecting the praise. "I didn't do anything other than get her out of the tub as fast as I could."

"Oh, please, Spence. If it had been me, the room would have been cover in soap and baby shampoo."

Spencer just laughed quietly, still conscious of the sleeping toddler. "I think you're just trying to make me feel better."

"Maybe," Toby admitted, shamelessly. "But it's true. I know you'd be a great mom. Every time I see you with Bridget, I can just see how wonderful you'd be. You're so kind and smart and firm and playful. And you love so unconditionally. With all of your heart."

"Guess where I picked that up from," She teased, toying with the collar of his shirt. "I love you, Toby," She whispered after a second, pressing her lips to his.

"I love you too," He whispered back, pressing another kiss to her mouth.

"We probably shouldn't do this now," Spencer whispered, breaking the third kiss. "Baby in the bed and all," She nodded towards Bridget, wrinkling her nose. "I don't think we should scar her for life."

"No, let's leave that up for her parents," Toby winked.

Before Spencer could laugh, Bridget rolled over and gripped Spencer's middle, tugging her closer.

"Guess I've been trumped," Toby snickered as Spencer rolled over to cuddle Bridget.

"Guess so."

X.

Toby groaned, waking to the loud thrashing at the front door. "Open up!" Hanna yelled, pounding harder. "Open up!"

Toby shuffled off the bed, careful not to wake up the two sleeping girls, who were completely oblivious to the ruckus at the door. "Hanna," He groaned, feeling the usual slight annoyance that came whenever Hanna was near. "Hanna, do you mind being-" Toby's-very sleep deprived-voice apparently went unheard as Hanna Marin ducked under his arm and made a beeline towards the bedroom.

Caleb, who was still standing in the doorway, chuckled. "She missed her."

Toby nodded, still not quite awake. "I can tell."

"It's just part of having a kid, man."

Toby rubbed his eyes, hoping to rub away some of the sleep. "You two make quite a team. You can't say goodbye, she can't stay away."

Caleb laughed again, patting his best friend on the shoulder. "Just wait until you have a kid."

And though he was exhausted, Toby couldn't help the grin those words brought on his face.

X.

Spencer felt her arms being roughly shoved aside, away from the little girl she was cuddling. Forcing her eyes open, she became acquainted with the sight of Hanna tugging Bridget into her arms.

The little girl didn't open her eyes even a crack and yet she burrowed further into her mother, without a doubt of who'd picked her up. "Mommy," Bridget whispered, still predominantly unconscious.

"Shhhh," Hanna whispered to her clone, tugging her baby blanket off the bed and wrapping it around her three year old's body.

Spencer sat up now, observing the two of them. She'd seen them practically every day since Bridget had been born and yet, at this very moment, Spencer couldn't look away, completely fascinated by the interaction.

Bridget's eyes were still completely shut. And yet, somehow, she knew exactly who was holding her. Or better, she knew it was her mother holding her. She recognized the feeling of Hanna's arms, like no other.

Had Spencer had that bond with Veronica? Wracking her brain frantically, she realized she had. Whenever she was hurt or sick or afraid, that was exactly who she wanted, always. There was a security in your mother's arms, an unexplainable feeling of love and compassion and safety that no one else's arms could exactly supply.

Spencer had seen Hanna hold Bridget next to every day for the past three years and yet she'd never felt _this_. This feeling of almost jealousy, of sadness, like Hanna had something that she craved but not exactly what she wanted.

"Did you have a good time with Aunt Spencey and Uncle Toby?" Hanna asked after a moment of snuggling her daughter.

"The best time!" Bridget beamed, clapping her hands together.

Her words made Spencer want to clap her hands together and grin too. It pleased her greatly to know the little blonde enjoyed spending time with her, that Bridget thought she was sufficient enough to take care of her.

"Say goodbye to Aunt Spencey," Hanna instructed gently, handing Bridget to Spencer, who'd moved to the edge of the bed.

"Goodbye!" Bridget exclaimed loudly, planting a wet kiss on Spencer's cheek. "I love you."

Spencer couldn't control her beaming smile now. "I love you too, Baby Bridget."

Out of the corner of her eye, Spencer saw her best friend smirk.

"Ready yet?" Hanna mouthed.

X.

Later that night, after they had gotten resettled into bed, Spencer turned on her side, facing Toby. "Did you really mean what you said?"

They hadn't exactly been silent but they weren't been keeping up a conversation either. This question certainly seemed out of the blue. But somehow Toby knew the exact conversation she was referring to, without even needing clarification. "Of course I did, Spence. You'd be a great mom. I have no doubt in my mind."

Spencer shivered, though she wasn't cold. "You don't think-you don't think I'd screw them up? Make them hate me? Make them resent me?"

Toby's expression softened at her words. "Come here," He whispered, opening his arms for her to crawl into. "Spence, I promise you, you'd make an excellent mom. You work so hard for the people you love. Just looking at you with Bridget, you have this natural nurturing instinct, I swear." He rubbed her back gently.

Spencer picked at a loose thread in his t-shirt, feeling tears building up. "What if I'm not ready?"

"There's no rush, sweetheart. Whenever, _if_ ever, it would be when you and I were both prepared."

"But I don't want to slow you down," Spencer whispered. "And… I don't want to _let_ you down. What if I'm a terrible mother-"

"Spence, you wouldn't be. You have such a big heart," Toby promised, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "And you wouldn't be alone. I'd be there with you, always. This is a two person job."

"… . I don't know," Spencer said after a minute, still feeling inadequate, despite her husband's words. "I'm such a mess as it is. How could I…" She trailed off.

"I'm not pressuring you, sweetheart. But you don't have to worry about that. I know you're terrified you'll fail and be the world's worst parent and make your kid feel the way _you_ felt but I'm promising you, that won't happen. Your child will never feel like you did. You would never allow that to happen and we both know it. You're not a mess, you're human. You make others smile, you take care of the people you love, you're protective and you're an _incredible_ person. You don't have to be afraid, baby."

Spencer fell silent after that, hugging herself closer to Toby, keeping her arm wrapped around his middle. "Toby," She whispered after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For always believing in me."

He squeezed her tighter to his chest. "Always."


	8. Breathe Me

**AN: Okay, so I decided to use Nicholas Pennythistle from the books and his kids, Zack and Amelia. I didn't read Toxic(that's the one with him, right?) too thoroughly but I remember he beat up his son towards the end? So, this isn't that far fetched. But similarities end there. Zack and Amelia won't follow book characters(because I'm going to reuse them in a different prompt).**

_She had to get out of that house._

That was all Spencer could think as she pushed her feet up the stairs that led to the loft which she had spent countless hours with her boyfriend since he moved in. She knew this was insane. It was three thirty in the morning and not to mention cold, especially this time of year in Pennsylvania.

But she felt like she had no choice. She couldn't stay home. She couldn't stay inside that house. And she couldn't just show up to one of her friends' house and wake up their entire family.

Spencer shook her head, almost physically trying to push the events that led to her irrational decision out of her mind. "Toby," Spencer called frenziedly, banging on the door. She cursed at herself for forgetting the key he'd given her. She really wanted to get out of the open, where anyone lurking behind a dark corner could spot her. "Toby! Open up!" Spencer yelled, her demeanor uncharacteristically impatient-okay, not really-as she began to shove the door, willing it to open, feeling the metal lock rub against the wooden frame. "Toby!" She shouted again, her hands flailing in panic, her old habit of biting her nails in a moment of overpowering anxiety suddenly resurfacing.

A second after her voice screeched his name again, almost incoherent as her tone reached an all-time high in its raspy nature, he flung the door open, his expression one of life and death. "Spencer, what is it?" He asked frantically, grabbing her arm forcefully and yanking her into the entryway before sticking his head out and inspecting the stairway, looking for predators that would have his girlfriend at heart-attack level panic.

"No one's out there," Spencer informed dejectedly, bringing her hand up to her mouth to cover her uncomfortable expression when she realized what he was doing.

Slowly, as if thinking she'd just lost her mind, Toby closed his front door and locked it before turning to look at her. "Spence," His voice drew out slowly. "What's going on?"

Spencer couldn't look him in the eye, her vision settling for the floor as a focal point. She's the one who pounded on his door, basically trying to break and enter into his apartment and yet, now she wished she could disappear.

But Toby wasn't having it, not at this hour. "Spencer, what is it?" He asked again, his voice gaining the slightest edge. Spencer shrugged, swallowing a lump in her throat. "Spencer!" He groaned, closing the space gap between them. "Why are you here in the middle of the night, practically having a panic attack at my doorstep?" He asked, his voice growing softer as he gently placed his hand on her arm. "What happened?" He pleaded, his eyes boring into her's.

Blinking hard, Spencer prepared to give him a shortened version of tonight's events, planning on glazing over certain details. But when she removed her hand from its place over her mouth, she realized she'd overlooked one minor detail in her haste.

Toby let out an audible gasp, his eyes growing big as saucers. "Spencer," His voice was shocked, like she'd just dropped a bomb on him, like she was a ghost or a terrorist. "What. Happened." He demanded, his eyes focused on her split open lower lip.

Shaking her head, Spencer tried to appear cavalier. "I was in such a hurry to get over here, I must have snagged myself on a tree branch-"

"Bull," Toby stated, firmly. He grabbed the hand she was trying to bring up to cover her mouth once more. "Who did this to you?" His voice dripped with bile.

"Toby, it was nothing-"

"It wasn't nothing, Spencer! Somebody hit you and I want to know who!" He demanded again, his voice taking on a level of ferocity that was rare for him. Spencer had only seen him this upset a handful of times since they started dating.

"Nobody hit me-" Before she could spit the lie out, Toby was countering it.

"You're terrified, beating down my door at three in the morning with your face covered in blood and I'm supposed to believe-" He cut himself off, almost like he was seeing his girlfriend for the first time since she'd arrived. Taking a deep breath in, Toby shook his head, clearing his thought process. "And I'm not making it any better, am I?" He asked softly. Spencer evaded his eyes again, hoping he'd miss the moisture build up. "Come on," Toby placed his hand on her cheek, turning her face towards him, gentle as a lamb. "Let's get your face cleaned up and put some ice on it. That looks painful."

And in those two seconds, Spencer was reminded of exactly why she fell in love with Toby Cavanaugh.

X.

He told her to lie down in his bed while he got the ice. Toby seemed to somehow sense that she was a wreck. Maybe she was more obvious than she realized. Maybe she wasn't as good at masking her pain and fear as she prided herself on.

Spencer shook her head. No, it wasn't her. It was him. He seemed to sense anything and everything when it came to her. There were times when she would be out in the middle of the night, running an -A mission with the girls, even before he knew -A existed, and the next day Toby would complain he couldn't sleep the night before. They had a connection between them that almost felt telepathic. She knew when he was hurting before talking to him; he knew when she was scared without asking. They both provided what the other needed without even trying.

But, even a boyfriend like Toby couldn't fix her messed up home life.

As the last few hours came rushing back to her mind, Toby appeared in the doorway. "I told you to lay down, Spence. Not sit on the edge of the bed," He authoritatively teased, carrying a wet cloth and a bucket of ice in his arms.

"Sorry," Spencer mumbled as she scooted into a horizontal position, not in a joking mood at all.

Toby seemed to understand-of course, he always understood-and sat down on the edge of the mattress, by her head. "Does it hurt?" He asked smoothly, but Spencer knew him like the back of her hand and she heard the underlying edge present in his voice.

Unable to disguise her discomfort, Spencer nodded, swallowing hard. "It doesn't need stitches, does it?" She asked, her eyebrows suddenly furrowed in panic at the thought.

"No," Toby said after a second of inspecting the split in her lip. "But that doesn't make the person who did it any less wrong."

Spencer squeezed her eyes shut at his words. She knew he was right and yet, she really wished she could just convince him to drop it completely. "It was an accident," She murmured, hoping her features were neutral.

Toby sighed and dropped the wash cloth on the nightstand. "Spencer, could you please stop lying to me?" He snapped, his eyes setting on her's. "It's really old and I thought we were beyond that."

Spencer didn't speak for a minute, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, she whimpered quietly. "I get that you want an answer but if you're angry, can you at least hand me the wash cloth to put on my mouth. It hurts."

Toby's hardened expression melted and he softly placed the wet rag back onto her lip, pressing very gently. "I'm not angry with _you_," He whispered softly, his other hand running through her hair, massaging her scalp. "I just-" He stuttered, his eyes starting to fill up. Spencer somehow knew though, it was out of anger and frustration, not sadness. "I can't stand the idea of someone smacking you hard enough to split your lip open. I want to beat _their_ face until its purple and black for it."

"Toby-"

"No, baby," He interrupted. "I went to reform school, remember? I know what it looks like when someone gets a black eye from a punch. I remember what it looks like when someone gets a bruise from a shove or a kick. I know what a red slap mark looks like. And I know what it looks like when you get smacked and it splits your lip open."

Spencer was quiet after that, staring up at the ceiling. She tried to stay silent, until she couldn't anymore and she felt herself unraveling. "Toby," She cried, feeling her emotions break through her facade and next thing she knew, she was a blubbering mess, unable to even understand what was coming out of her own mouth.

But he understood her. He always knew what she needed from him. Instantly, he was setting the wash cloth aside and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pulling her head into where his neck met his shoulder. "Spencer," He whispered, peppering her hair with kisses.

She felt her mouth fall open in loud sobs, letting her lady-like standards for herself go and throwing all dignity aside. She allowed herself to let go of her emotions, knowing she would never feel this comfortable in anyone else's arms. Her loud cries gave way to disgusting noises she'd never heard her throat make before, her blood and snot and spit and tears all running together into Toby's shirt.

Spencer had no clue how long she cried out for, how long Toby held her in his arms, rocking her pacifyingly until she made the parting move and pulled back, sitting against the headboard.

"I'm sor-"

Before she could apologize, he was already cutting her off. "Spencer," He breathed her name in two syllables. "Crying isn't a crime," He laughed humorlessly. She always acted like it was the worst thing she could do.

"I meant for lying," She said quietly.

Toby hesitated before slowly reaching out and taking her hand, stroking her palm with his fingers. "I just-I need to know. Who would do this to you?" He pleaded, at complete loss.

He knew he should respect her privacy and wait for her to be comfortable enough to tell him but how could he just sit back and let her go back to that house when there was obviously someone violently dangerous lurking behind those picture perfect walls?

Was it her mother that had done this? The possibility seemed highly unlikely as Veronica's tough exterior was more rooted in tough love than anger. Peter was a different story. He was sneaky and commanding, and could be very aggressive, but it never occurred to Toby before to think of him being physically violent to his daughter. Melissa was probably the strongest possibility. Most siblings had physical fights every now and again and the Hastings' family pressure seemed to put a lot of tension between the two girls, though Toby had always privately assumed the two loved each other more than they were comfortable admitting.

Spencer's voice broke him out of his thoughts. "It was Nicholas," She whispered, her voice barely audible.

Nicholas? Toby had to wrack his brain to even connect the dots and figure out who she was talking about.

Veronica had started dating again, in some opinions too soon after filing for divorce from her husband of over twenty years. Spencer had come over to the loft, directly after meeting Nicholas and his two children, complaining to Toby that he was self-righteous and controlling, even just in the hour she had spent with him at the club. "Nicholas?" Toby repeated, his eyes widening as the anger set in.

This man had the audacity to charm his way into a woman's life, just weeks after her filing for permanent separation from her long time husband, and then hurt her child? Toby broke eye contact with a trembling Spencer, fire and rage coloring his vision.

This wasn't Toby. He was the calm one in the relationship. He was sensitive but he didn't let himself get stressed too often. He dealt with problems rationally. He ignored bullies until they got tired and left him alone. He did his job quietly and well. He was the one who massaged Spencer's shoulders while she panicked, he was the one who picked up the phone at four in the morning to talk her down, he was the one who made her relax and chill out, telling her whatever it was wasn't worth her anxiety or her fury.

It took a lot for Toby to feel like he did now. It took more than someone hurting him. It took someone hurting Spencer.

He pushed out a deep breath through his lips, his eyes still widened, his hands shaking. He thought he could handle hearing her say the name. He didn't know he was going to have to fight the urge to go in an all-out blind rage until he found Nicholas Pennythistle himself.

"Nicholas?" Toby asked again, his voice as harsh as his demeanor.

"You're mad," Spencer ejected, looking down at the comforter covering her lap.

Toby sighed, trying to push his emotions out of his head. This wasn't about him. This was about Spencer. Spencer, who'd do whatever it took to make him feel better whenever he'd been harmed.

But Toby knew in the back of his mind, that if someone had hurt him, Spencer would become a wildly defensive predator too. That was what they did. They protected each other, no matter what it took or how much it pained either one.

But getting angry right now would only make Spencer's burden that much heavier to carry.

"I'm just processing," He sighed, opening his arms. "Come here," He whispered, drawing her close.

She buried her head into his shoulder again, squeezing him like he was her lifeline in the middle of the ocean. "I'm so sorry," She whispered.

"Don't say sorry when you're the one hurt, baby," Toby whispered again, pressing his lips to her wet cheek, careful not to bump her mouth as it was still an open wound. "The only sorry person who is going to be sorry is Nicholas Pennythistle."

Spencer sniffled, blinking the remaining tears back. "Toby, please don't go after him. I don't want you anywhere near that guy," She murmured, her features contorting to panic. "Okay, just forget everythi-"

"_Forget_ everything?" Toby pushed her back slightly, the hard edge falling back into his tone. "Forget that this scumbag slapped my girlfriend and split her lip open? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Toby, come on!" Spencer snapped, her stubborn fire rekindling.

"Spence, your mom isn't going to forget this either and you know it," He pointed out, feeling slight relief. There was no way Veronica wasn't going to give Nicholas hell for this, the hard-pressing, attorney mother she was.

"I can't tell my mom this-"

"Do you want me to then?" He pressed sharply, his voice still acidic. "Because there is no way you can just go home in the morning and pretend everything is all good. Besides," He touched the corner of her mouth very lightly. "Isn't this kind of noticeable?" Spencer's eyes adverted away from her boyfriend, clueing him in unintentionally. At that realization, Toby's tone dropped to a quieter note. "You aren't planning on ever telling her, are you? You're going to make up a lie?" He asked slowly, his voice on the edge of disappointed.

Spencer was used to hearing people's disappointment when they spoke to her. Her parents, her Nana, Melissa, her teachers. But never Toby. In fact, he was the one person she couldn't _stand_ disappointing. It nearly sent her to an all-out breakdown just thinking of the possibility.

"Toby," Her voice gaining a hysterical note, as she fought to make the words even coherent. "Please don't do this," She begged, reaching for his hands desperately as tears came racing down her face again. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is."

Though Toby's frustration hadn't disappeared and his opinion hadn't changed, how Spencer felt mattered more than anything else to him. He could see what he was saying was upsetting her more and more. He may not agree with her need to keep this away from her mom but he couldn't stand to see her this upset and shaken.

"Lie back," Toby whispered, gently pushing her backwards until her head touched the pillow, before running his hand through her hair again. "Don't stress out, alright? I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do. You're my first priory. Whatever you want us to do, we'll do," He promised, leaning down to kiss the side of her face. "Just relax right now, Spencer. It's going to be okay."

Spencer shut her eyes, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry-"

"You don't owe me an apology," He stated softly. "You don't owe anyone an apology."

"But I do owe you an explanation," She countered.

Toby paused, shocked she was offering to tell him details. For years, he'd grown accustomed to her barely saying half the incident, jumping straight to the punchline, let alone her ever giving him a full account on what went down.

But Toby didn't want her to feel obligated, or add additional stress to her psyche, so he asked, "Are you sure you want to? I don't expect you to recount the entire thing right now."

But Spencer nodded. "I want to," She murmured, struggling for words before she continued again. "I want to tell someone what happened… . Someone I know will believe me."

He had to smile slightly at her words, despite the circumstances they were currently in, before pressing his lips to her forehead, lingering there. He had a way of making her feel safe and secure, no matter what else she had to face outside the door of his loft.

She hesitated, collecting herself before she began. "It started at dinner," She swallowed, her eyes training to the ceiling. "My mom had invited Nicholas and Zack and Amelia over. I tried to get out of it but every time I made up some excuse to leave, my mom kept on saying I was being rude-and she was glaring at me and shaking her head and I didn't know what to do!"

"Shhhh," Toby whispered, wiping the stray tears from her cheeks with his fingertips. "It's okay, Spence, just calm down," He soothed.

This was new for him. Spencer rarely cried in front of anyone and she rarely allowed anyone to see her this distraught. It was ingrained in her-probably from birth, knowing the Hastings-that she cover up any emotion that might make her seem… . _human_.

When she had reigned in her emotions enough, she swallowed hard again before continuing. "So anyway, to get her off my back I stayed and I sat through that God awful dinner. The entire time, Nicholas focused on how Melissa's achievements were so wonderful and he would, like, compare them to his kids and talk about how much the three of them had in common. Then all of a sudden, he turned the tables on me and asked 'So what are your plans for next year?' and I froze, because I'm just focusing on getting through the day without being killed or arrested and nowhere will even accept me and I have no freaking clue what I'm going to do," This time, she paused herself, bringing her finger to her forehead to calm down. Toby watched her pull herself together again, his eyes washed over with deep concern. "And then when I said I didn't know, he started lecturing me about not trying hard enough and slacking and then he brought up how apparently Zack, his stuck up, horn-dog son, has gotten into all the Ivy's and I was ready to leave the table but then my mom's phone started buzzing and she had to run to work to see a client and she told me and Melissa that we needed to stay there until she comes home and then as soon as she was gone, I felt Zack's foot coming in contact with my leg-"

"Why didn't you call me?" Toby asked, cutting her off. "I would have been there in minutes, I swear."

Spencer bypassed his interruption. "And then I jump up from the table and I'm ready to get out of there but then I hear Nicholas tell Amelia, his little spoiled brat of a daughter, 'Never act like that' and I lost it and I told him what I thought of him and his kids and then… . I don't know, it all snowballed and he hit me."

Though his demeanor felt more angry than consoling, Toby reflexively opened his arms as she finished her story, pulling her into the security of his hold. He knew her reasons for being upset stemmed from more than just being hit. It was about being made to feel like the black sheep, always. It was about feeling powerless against another person, in your own household, the place you're supposed to feel safe. It was about how she's always made to feel inferior to everyone else, always at the bottom of the food chain.

He'd spend the rest of his life making sure she never felt like this again.

"If you let me, I'll make him sorry," Toby whispered into her hair, not even close to joking, his tone lower and gruffer than she had ever heard. "I don't care if it's legal or not, I'll make sure he feels-"

"Toby," Spencer interrupted, pulling back and clearing her throat. "I can't let you go after Nicholas. You can't fight all my demons for me."

"I'll fight whatever hurts you," He whispered, placing his hands on either side of her face.

Spencer chuckled darkly, lying back against the pillows again. "And what do I tell my mother?"

"That her creep of a boyfriend assaulted her daughter and deserves whatever comes his way," He murmured, lying down next to her.

"Yeah, well unfortunately, she probably isn't going to want to hear that."

Toby shook his head at her words, raising his hand to gently trace her injured lip. "No mother in her right mind could justify anyone hurting her child," He whispered, quietly.

Spencer barely missed a beat before whispering, "Mine could."

Toby couldn't hold himself back, as the words slipped through her lips. He loved her so much and seeing her so low and broken made his heart shatter. He yanked her forcefully into his arms for the hundredth time, locking them around her frame, stretching his lips to kiss any part of her his head could reach. "No, baby, no. Veronica has done a lot of things wrong but she'd never allow someone to hurt you."

"She blamed me for Melissa and Wren's break up," Spencer whispered desperately into his skin. "She sided with Ian over me, she believed Melissa over me. I almost got murdered in the bell tower and she didn't bat an eye. She believed me to be capable of Alison's murder! She isn't going to believe me now, Toby. She really likes this guy. Maybe if it were Melissa," Spencer shrugged then trailed off.

Toby slipped his hand down the back of her shirt, rubbing circles onto her skin. "I'll tell her," He whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I'll talk to your mom _and_ your dad."

"They aren't going to listen, Tobes," Spencer promised him, completely defeated.

"I'll make them-"

"Toby, forget it," She cut off, sternly. "It's just how my family works."

Chills ran up his spine at her words. It took him minutes to figure out why. That is exactly what he said to her when he got fired from his first day on Sweeney Construction.

It's amazing how time has changed both of them, in such different ways.

"They only person I have is you," Spencer whispered after minutes of silence. "You're the only person I can trust. Even more than the girls." That admission was a rare one and Toby took it in all its severity. The girls never acknowledged the cracks beneath the exterior of their friendship.

Toby shut his eyes, breathing her in as he held her even closer-if that was possible. "I told you once and I'll tell you again. You're never alone. Not even for a second. No matter how crappy your family is or what happens. I'll always be here for you. You got that?"

Spencer nodded, her impaired mouth turning up into a smile. "I got it," She whispered, pressing her lips to the fabric of his t-shirt. "I'm so happy I found you," She added, almost as an afterthought.

"You're the best thing that ever walked into my life, Spencer," Toby whispered, his hand cradling her head. "I promise you, we'll get through this together."

Spencer nodded sleepily. "I guess we'll talk about what to do tomorrow after school."

Toby raised an eyebrow. "You're going to school?" He asked, smirking slightly at her.

Spencer returned his expression. "What else did you have in mind?"

"Well," He leaned in and kissed her, ignoring her damaged lip. "I was thinking, maybe, we'd lie in bed together and we'd," He leaned in and pressed his lips to her's again, "do some fun stuff."

Spencer's smirk grew bigger. "Like play Scrabble?" She asked, innocently.

Toby couldn't hold back his sudden laugh. "Nah, I figured we'd go crazy and try Monopoly."

Her giggle, light and cheerful, was all Toby ever wanted to hear. It was the best response he could ever elicit from her. It was music to his ears.

Spencer's laugh cut off after a moment, shaking her head, her eyes fixed on her boyfriend, conveying a message he didn't even know he could comprehend. "Thank you," She whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips now before turning and kissing the corner of his mouth and then his cheek.

"For what?" He asked, breathlessly, as she moved to his jawline.

Pulling back slightly, she moved her mouth right above his ear. "For always being exactly what I need."


End file.
